I feel the waters of my soul stirring tonight. Papa has asked me to lay something down that I have carried for a long time and I feel the weight of letting go. It's not a circumstance, it's something inside me, a place that I have carried on my own.
Sacrifice is the act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy. (Websters)
In the midst of giving up I feel the cost of what I am laying down. What will happen when I let go? I have carried this place for so long, will it be OK? What if it falls through the crack? What if it doesn't get better? What if it emotionally kills me?
Have you ever really thought through the story of Abraham and Isaac, not just read about it but considered it in your own life? So many parts of that story speak to me tonight. I have been here before. It was a few years ago when I had my first laying down of an Isaac in my life. As the tears poured forth I knew I had no other choice but to surrender. As long as I held on, I was in control, holding myself back from God's move.
Surrender is the place where God's will meets our need. I knew He was asking me to trust Him. It came down to one question. Do I trust Him, even if nothing changes? Everything comes down to trust. Do I really believe He has my good in mind? Do I really believe He will protect me?
Being here again, I know I'm being invited back to the mountain of sacrifice. Like Abraham I know I have to go there, but as I make the steps forward I feel the weight of each move. It has been a place I have fought for and guarded. I have given much of who I am to it. What will it look like when I no longer carry the weight of it?
Abraham headed for the mountain, knowing God was asking him to lay down the fulfillment of his desires. He knew he would never have another chance at having a son. This was his one and only chance. And God was asking him to give it up. I believe he felt the weight of each footstep up that mountain. He didn't know the outcome but somehow he trusted. Did he look at his son as he placed him up on the altar and bound him? Did he have to look away? As the knife was raised to kill him, did their eyes meet? What went on in the seconds, minutes and hours of his surrender?
He couldn't fix it, or change it. He was brought to a dependence on the only one who had the answers. He still believed. That's what sacrifice does. You let it all go and trust in the one you leave it with. No longer dependent on yourself or another your face is turned towards God to fill your every need because you believe. You believe He moves mountains, raises the dead and parts the sea. You lay it all down because you believe in who He is.
My holding on has kept me independent. Unknowingly I have carried it on my own. I thought what I was doing was good. But I realize now it wasn't. I have to let go. It is my reality. My emotions hold on, but my hand lets go. As I wait for Him to catch up my emotions with my choice, I trust. Though I feel the weight of each step as I move forward, I believe God will provide a ram in the thicket of my life. I know what He's asking of me. I know He will come for me as He did Abraham. I know I will see Him afresh... That's why I choose this day to lay my Isaac down and trust.
Is there an Isaac in your life that Papa is asking you to lay down?
"I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed because you have obeyed me." Genesis 22:15-18
©copyrighed 2008 by Julie L. Todd