Hitting the Snooze Button

The alarm goes off too early in the morning on Tuesdays. I often hit the snooze button hoping to escape my reality. The truth is I don’t want to get out of bed. It’s comfort and warmth invite me to linger as I lay there trying to block out the inevitable. Eventually I will have to rise up and face what’s set before me. No matter how many times I pound that snooze button, life always ends up beckoning me out.

I’m always amazed at how daily life often exhibits life in the Spirit. It happened again for me this week. My emotions are much like my alarm clock, especially anger. Like lights on the dashboard of a car, they will reveal what’s not firing correctly, if I will pay attention.

Emotions resounded in my body this week and I hit the snooze button. I knew I needed to leave my comforts and face them, but honestly, I just really didn’t want to go there. No matter how many times I pounded that snooze button, Jesus continued to come. His life inside, beckoned me out of the covers of self-protection.

Journal in hand, I drew away to a quiet place. I know Jesus well enough to know, He loves me too much to leave me escaping the emotions. He won’t stop coming after me. After all He came to heal the broken hearted and bind up their wounds.

The feelings inside indicated my reality. There was a broken place still at work.

I’ve come to understand something about broken places. We all have them. They are a result of entering into a world filled with sin. Some of us acknowledge that we have them, some of us don’t. It doesn’t change the facts. If Jesus said He came to heal the broken hearted, we must be broken.

A few years back my husband’s work computer was stolen out of his truck. Months later it was found and returned. While in his possession, the thief had created his own password and entered in his own data. It was on the computer that bore my husband’s name but it was not the original data. We began to slowly remove all the old programming in order to restore the laptop to his original state.

Jesus came to restore my data. I’ve been under the influence of a world of sin, some of it mine, some of it what I received at the hands of others. All the while a thief programmed false information into my mind. It’s not the original data. I’ve been lied to, misled and robbed.

When my emotions get stirred up, the alarm goes off to awaken me. It’s an invitation to have my programming restored. Why do I hit the snooze button? Why is it when the invitation comes I shut it off, hoping to avoid it a little while longer? Sometimes I just don’t want to go there. I prolong my freedom.

Jesus came to heal my brokenness. He came to do a clean sweep of all the false data that has filled my mind. He wants to restore me to my original place.

Healing comes when I allow the resounding of my emotions to invite me out to walk with God. It’s in those moments of telling Him how I feel that I find truth that sets my heart free. What I am feeling indicates what I am hearing. The false data is exposed.

But some days, I just want to hit the snooze button and ignore it all.

It is His constant love that refuses to leave me alone. His Spirit pursues me, wooing me into that place where He and I can meet, it’s the place where the freedom waits.

His truth sets me straight. His voice whispers to me what He & My Father see in me. He reminds me of my reality. I am valued by the Creator of the universe. No one can take that from me. Healing permeates my being as I allow His programming to replace what was previously there.

Life once again beckons me out of the comforts of that which has covered me. His beauty replaces the ashes of my past. He came to heal my broken heart. He came to set me free.

The Bride Has Made Herself Ready

It was the most perfect of days..........

As she turned the corner and walked toward him, his eyes beheld her beauty. No matter how hard he tried he could not contain his emotions. The tears began to fall. I will never forget it. The sheer sight of his bride allowed the love that filled his heart to spill out onto his face.

The look in his eyes said it all. “I’ve waited all my life for you.” It was a moment frozen in time. The groom saw his bride in all her splendor for the first time.

His face was a picture that spoke a thousand words. Finally the one he had longed for would become his. The wait was over.

Jesus seared the image of my son-in-law in my mind as He spoke to me. “One day that will be Me.”

There is one who waits at the end of the aisle for me. He’s counting down the days until we can be together. He is and will always be captivated with me. The fact is, I take His breath away. I am the bride He has been waiting for. So are you.

One day He will come. One day we will be together.

Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Revelations 19: 7.

Glimpses of the Day:

I stand amazed

In 8 days life as I have known it will change for good. My 2nd born daughter will be leave my home. She will become a wife to a wonderful young man chosen perfectly for her. Sorrow and joy mingle together in my heart. It's been a year of change, a time of saying "goodbye's"

My daughter got engaged 3 days before my father met Jesus face to face. Five months later my oldest daughter moved across country. In 8 days my 2nd "chick" will leave the nest.

Much has changed in these last few months. My mind tries to wrap around it all sometimes. Sadness mixed with rejoicing has been the journey. Jesus has been found there waiting in the midst. He has wrapped me up in His embrace until the pain subsided. He continues to enfold me as I watch my children leave my home one by one. A new day dawns. I wait in expectation knowing that Jesus will find me and pull me tight in His embrace as He & I together embark on a different trail. My days of mothering as I've known with these two will move to a different place.

It wasn't long ago that I wondered how in the world we would pay for a wedding on such a shoestring budget. I stand amazed at how lavishly Papa God has met each need.

My favorite story is of the wedding dress.

One Sunday in April, we went wedding dress shopping. I asked David, "what do I do if she finds a dress?" He said, "buy it and we'll figure it all out later." She found the wedding dress of her dreams. It was on sale at a very good price, yet I wondered how it would all work out. I've never been one who's been good at hiding what's going on inside me. As I made the purchase I hoped my concerns wouldn't show on my face.

My husband works for the telephone company here in town. Due to the economy, overtime has been eradicated. It's seldom that anyone gets any. But on this particular week, following our dress shopping, David happened to be on call, which meant he would get a little overtime. It would not be near enough to pay for the dress but maybe it would help.

At the end of the week a storm front came through these Georgia mountains, leaving people with all types of telephone, cable, internet problems. David was called in. He worked over 20 hours of overtime. The amount needed to pay for the dress was in the next paycheck. I stood amazed. It was as if Papa God was saying to me, "Rest Jewel, I've got you covered." He painted a picture of HIs heart, allowing me to see that His provision can be found even in the storm.

It's been that way all along. One thing after another has been covered. I stand amazed.

In the midst, I have been changed, yet even more. For once again, I have seen the hand of God in it's brilliance. He has come to reveal deeper truths in the midst of my inner struggles. As I have watched Him cover each detail of my life I am reminded, He holds me in His hands. All the while a deeper rest has come for my soul.

His beauty permeates my being as I find Him each detail of life. I'm finding in the deepest places of my soul that He has each and every facet of my life covered. The snapshots of His heart before me are more stunning than sometimes my mind can conceive.

We started out on a shoestring budget, we are ending with the wealth of a deeper knowing of the extravagant heart of a Father who loves.

I stand amazed!

Kevin & Courtney - October 3, 2009

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

Let Me Tell You the Truth

“You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” It’s one of the most profound statements in the Word of God. I’ve come to discover it’s the key to unlocking the image of God etched on my life.

The more truth that comes, the more I realize how captive I have been. I am not who I thought I was. Much is being peeled away. With each layer uncovered, the beauty of God is manifested. He knows who I am. He’s letting me see too.

I’ve lived a bipolar lifestyle, spiritually speaking. I’ve lived in two extremities. We all do it. In fact, there’s only one who didn’t, Jesus.

One minute I live in the Spirit, the next I fall back into the flesh. One minute I live in the new identity, the next I’m back listening to the old man. It’s easy to run between the two worlds. After all I’ve lived most of my life reacting to the world around me. I became who my world told me I was.

I looked to other things for my identity. I didn’t look to the one who is truth. I’m learning what that looks like. The more I go, the more truth I find, the more release is realized.

What if my reality was, He was the only one I looked to? What if I took what I felt and asked God what He thought? What if I stopped trying to figure out my life and asked Him? What if I fought for weakness instead of strength, knowing that in my weakness He would be strong?

Christ was the strongest man who lived on this earth, yet He lived a life of weakness. He was totally and utterly dependent. He never looked to Himself. He never took care of things on His own. He didn’t react to His surroundings and what others said. He had only one place He went, to the one who is Truth.

My flesh is dead. Who I was no longer lives. Christ now lives in me. It’s now Him in me. A clean, slate, a fresh new start is my reality, whether realized or not.

Here is my actuality. If I am managing my world on my own, I am not living in who I am. For if I rely on my strength I do not live in His.

Unless I look to the Father I will not live in who I am. It’s that simple.

If I manage and control my life it will only hinder my revealing. When I rely on my strength, God in His totality becomes unrealized.

Many of us live unaware of who we really are. For if we did, we would know we are the objects of His deep affection. We would love ourselves. We would display freedom and life. Christ in us would not make a move without Him. It is He in us who reveals the truest things about us.

The truth sets free. I know, I’ve seen.

What if our lives truly did follow what Jesus knew. What if we tapped into Him in us. What if we saw what He saw, loved as He loved. What if we laid down the mantel of carrying our lives in totality and ran to Him in our weakness. What if we ceased our efforts, to save & protect ourselves, and rested in His? What if His strength could be realized in us as it is in Him. What if our old lives were completely exchanged for His?

It is the invitation of the gospel.

God knows exactly who we are. He knows the path that will reveal our lost identity. His invitation is there waiting every moment of every day. “Let me tell you the truth. It will set you free.”

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

Review of Bo's Cafe

When I saw that my friend John Lynch had written a book, soon to be released, I had to ask. "Can I review the book?"

Much to my delight, I found that he was delighted to oblige.

Soon after that brief email, my copy arrived in the mail.

I loved it from the moment I started reading. I could see my story written in the pages...

This is by far one of the best books I've ever read. Though written in novel form, it is filled with the truths of God's desire for shared relationship and healing.

It's a story of a man, named Steven, who is broken and doesn't know it. His marriage reveals it, but he's too blind to see. That is until Andy enters into his world.

This amazing book gives a beautiful picture of what we were made for. Created in the midst of of the Trinity, joined in relationship, their shadow falls on us. We were made to walk through the roads of life with others. Bear one another's burdens isn't just about taking a meal to a sick friend. It's about getting in the trenches of hearts, loving others where they are to where they were made to be. In the beauty of shared relationship we find healing. This book portrays the value of letting others know your story, past and present.

Everyone needs a "Bo's Cafe" in their lives.

Beautiful job, Bruce, Bill & John. It is a stunning portrayal of a shared journey. It is a brilliant depiction of how love heals. To be honest, I'm sad that I finished reading. Thank you for the honor of reading "Bo's Cafe". It has spoken my heart's desire. I pray that I can be an "Andy" or "Cynthia" to those Papa God brings across my path. Well done!

This book is now added to my "must reads" list. Get a copy. You won't be disappointed.

To find the book, check it out at: Bo's Cafe:

Love Never Leaves

When I first became a parent, I had no idea I would learn so much about God from my children. I thought I would be there to guide them into His heart. Little did I know that it would be they, who guided, me.

As they have grown over the years, so have I. My husband and I started out with behavior modification parenting. It was common to hear those around us talk of “breaking the will of the child”. Breaking the will seemed to be an accomplishment that would bring obedience. We set out to make that happen. I shudder even now as I think about it.

The sad reality is, we believed God was the same way. That is until He summoned us to enter into true, authentic relationship. In that place love is the motivating factor, not behavior modification.

I discovered something. God wasn’t after my will. He was after my heart. Obedience wasn’t the most important thing to Him, love was.

It was in that place I began to learn something new. God will never be disappointed with me. His heart aches to hold me close. In sin I separate myself from Him. He exposes it in order to bring me back into His embrace. For He knows that my perception of what He thinks of me changes when I am captured by sin.

There is never guilt, condemnation or accusation. There is only, always, love, mercy and grace. He reveals to return me to where I was meant to be. My sin is not His focus. I am. He didn't come to make me perfect. He came to give me life. Sin destroys life.

When I entered into the world of motherhood, I thought I would bring my babies into the world and love them. It all sounded so simplistic. Yet, it wasn’t. There were times when a child would stray off the path and look in other directions. Choices that cost them were made. I ached as I watched. I prayed, I waited to welcome them back in. All I wanted was to love them. Didn’t they know that? They judged my heart by the way they felt about themselves.

He thought He would bring me into this world and love me. I have often taken wrong turns. I’ve gotten off the beaten path. I looked for love in all the wrong places. Yet, He doesn’t see me covered in my sin. He sees me in a robe of righteousness. He does not separate from me when I choose to return to sin. He is not angered or even disappointed with me. His response is always the same. He pursues me to come back home.

Like the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son, He runs to meet me when I return to be held. For just as I could never turn away from my children because of my unending love, He cannot turn from me. His heart is filled with a love that cannot be measured or challenged. It is from everlasting to everlasting, not based on conditions or behavior.

He knew I would be imperfect. He knew that the lures of this world would pull me in. For when He created the earth, He knew my sins, past, present and future. He couldn’t bear for me to separate myself from Him. He devised a plan. It was His plan of rescue.

The cross has been misunderstood. It’s not about sin. It’s about love. Jesus’ blood was spilled to annihilate that which separated us from entering in as sons and daughters. Because of love He paid the ransom note to bring us back into the embrace of God. He came to restore us to life, to the full. It was the life He always meant for us, before sin entered into mankind. Love was the motivating factor of the cross. His love for you.

There has never been a time when I did not love my children. There is absolutely nothing that they could do that would change that. I see beyond the choices they make. I love.

There will never be condemnation or disappointment with God. There is always and only love. Love welcomes you back. With arms wide open, it runs out to meet you, to restore you to where you were meant to be, in the arms of God.

Sin is not His focus. You are.

Also posted at the Internet Cafe:

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

The Ache of Love

I spent the better part of my life living as a religious woman. I did what I was told a good Christian should do. Performance and striving were a way of life for me. Guilt, condemnation and shame were frequent visitors. The more they visited, the busier I became.

In all honesty, I believed that my religious acts would somehow bring me the closeness I desired with God. If I followed all the rules maybe it would be enough to draw near to me. I could believe God would fellowship with me when I was doing religious stuff. But would He be with me in the mundane? I wasn’t so sure. I was afraid to slow down long enough to find out.

That’s when the invitation arrived.

“Jewel, come to the wilderness with Me.” “I want to teach you how to see me as husband, instead of Master.”

His isolation is the opposite of our isolation. He pulls us away in order to reveal. We, on the other hand, isolate in order to hide.

There’s something magical about the land of isolation with God. Pretense and performance are removed. It’s just you and Him. It’s in that place that you begin to discover what you are made of, what’s really inside of you.

One of my favorite movies is “Hildalgo”. It’s the story about a man named Frank Hopkins. He’s half Indian, half white man. Tormented by a painful childhood memory he loses sight of his heritage. He’s forgotten who he is.

He’s known for his endurance horse racing. A representative of an Arabian nation sees him in a wild west show. He invites him to come to his country and compete in a race against a royally bred Stallion. The race will be held smack dab in the middle of the desert. He will face elements he’s never experienced before while all alone in a foreign country. He accepts.

The ride in the desert was laden with obstacles and challenges. It was a long, hard, arduous ride. Frank’s determination and will kept him from giving up, though at times he wanted to. As he fought against each obstacle, the man inside began to break out. Little by little he reengaged with who he was. By the end of the race he knew what was in him.

One of the reasons I love that movie is because it speaks to me of my own story. God had allured me to His isolation. Alone with my kids, my husband and God, unable to serve in any capacity, I began to see the many masks I had worn. What I had relied on for value was what I could do. I had allowed my ability to fulfill religious requirements to define who I was.

In the wilderness, His words began to pierce into a deep place in my soul. He told me He had no requirements. There was nothing I “should” do. He ached for me to need to be loved by Him. That was all. He began to reveal to me who He was and who I was to Him. Life turned a corner for me. I will never be the same.

Aches within me began to rise up to the surface. I was made aware of longings that almost took my breath away. It was then I realized. That’s His heart beating in me, inviting me to join Him where He is.

In the yearnings of my heart I realize that those things I long for, are the things He longs for too. Made in His image, His fingerprints are all over my life. Coming to terms with who I am has unleashed Him in me.

Sometimes the desires unfulfilled bring a pain all their own. It’s in those times that I identify with Him the most. He longs for intimacy with mankind in a way that most will likely never fully understand.

His heart has been misrepresented and misunderstood. It’s not our fulfilled requirements He’s after. It us. God aches for us. It’s that simple.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. Hosea 2:14

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd