I'm Still Hanging In There, How About You?

It’s been a hard year. Menopause; the deaths of my aunt and father a month apart; conflicts in our marriage which have been used to expose more dead flesh; and battlefronts between children, have all had an affect on me. It wasn’t until I had a conversation with my husband that I realized something was lost inside me. I needed clarity so I went to sit with Jesus. He had two words for me, “Navy Seals.” My search began.

Of all the battles that a Seal must fight, none is more important then the battle of mind over body. One web site had this quote: “The voice was back. That small, self-doubting messenger returned to pitch its familiar monologue, “ Why are you putting yourself through this? You are never gonna make it all the way, so quit now and call it a day!” The trainees can drop on request any time by simply ringing a shiny brass bell that hangs prominently within the camp for all to see.

The toughest week in Seal training is “hell week”. Trainees are constantly in motion; continually cold, hungry and wet. It’s not the physical trials that are difficult as much as their duration. Many don’t make it. Many succumb to what the body is telling the mind. It’s too hard, just give up and go home. It’s not their bodies that give up, it’s their minds. It becomes a battle of perseverance. They cannot give in to the weariness. They have to see the goal set before them.

Through the long days and nights of Hell Week, candidates learn to rely on one another to keep awake and stay motivated. They tap one another on the shoulder and say, “I’m still hanging in there, how about you?”

I know I need that.

I’ve been in a battle, there’s no doubt about it. It’s not the trials as much as the duration. In some areas I rang that shiny, brass bell. In some ways I gave up and resigned in my spirit. I allowed the elements around me to get to me. I quit hoping. I gave in to the weariness. It became easier to give up than to press on. The thing is, I didn’t even see it.

That inner voice of the "messenger" penetrated my thoughts. “I can’t do this anymore.” “Life is too hard.” “I can’t bear the weariness any longer.” “This is as good as it gets.” “You’re not going to make it.” “I’m so tired.” “Quit now and call it a day.”

And I did. I lost sight of things. I made an agreement with resignation. I turned on the autopilot mode and something inside got terribly lost.

He speaks so tenderly to me at times that I can hardly take it in. “It’s OK, Jewel. I come after the lost sheep.” “You’ve not been lost from Me.” “I’ve known where you were all along.” “I’ve never left your side.” “I’ve been here the whole time.”

I don’t know how to walk in hope when things seems so relentless.

“I know.” “Put your hope in me, Jewel, not what you see going on around you.” “Don’t hope for tomorrow.” “Don’t hope for a better day, or for things to change. Hope in Me.” “I am in every situation that surrounds your life.” “If you will put your hope in me, you will find the breath of life.”

Breathe Your breath of life into my being, like bellows on a fire. Fan the flames to burn brightly. I break the agreement with resignation. I close the door. Awaken me once again to those things I have given up on. It’s mind over the body. I choose to press on. I won’t ring the bell.

“Jewel, I’m there with you. You are not alone. Not now. Not ever. I’m still hanging with you.” “I’ll never stop.” “Don’t ever forget that.”

“Never will leave you; never will I forsake you.”

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd