It's All Him

The tears rolled down my face as my husband prayed. He knew it was imperative that he take me to the Father. All it took was one look at my troubled face to know.

We had just gone over the budget for our current and impending expenses. The weight of how it would all work out was bearing down on me. It’s not uncommon for me to feel it. As he prayed I knew it wasn’t about the money. It was about something much deeper.

I’ve always hated money. There never seems to be enough of it. We live frugally. I’m good with making it stretch. But this, how would I manage all this? As David prayed, specific words penetrated into some deep place. I couldn’t shake them. “These bank accounts and expenses are yours, Father.” Why did I feel so detached from those words? I knew the truth. All I have is His. Why then did it all feel like mine?

I realized that an invitation to look a little deeper had arrived. I knew I needed to draw away with Jesus and talk.

Jesus, why does the money get me so?

“It represents security.” “You don’t like the unknown.” “But I want to tell you something, Jewel.” “The unknown is where you find Me.” “Do you see that?”

There is no peace here, Jesus. Something is amiss. The money is beyond my ability to figure out. I’ve been here before, many times... Why haven’t I learned this?

“You haven’t been ready to fully let go until now.” “You’ve held onto the belief that it’s up to you.” “How many times have you said, “I’m in charge of the money?”

Too many to count.

“It’s what you believe, isn’t it?” Yes. “Is it really yours?” "Are you really in charge?"

“Jewel, I never knew how the provision for my needs would come.” “But I knew that I and all that I had, was His” “I knew He took care of that which was His.” “You’re forgetting that.” “Don’t forget that, Jewel.” “It’s imperative.”

“It’s all His, Jewel.” “How could you possibly figure out what is His?” “It’s His to figure out.” “No wonder you are weary. This isn’t yours to carry.” “You listen, you follow, it’s that simple. He’ll do the rest.” “You’ll be amazed at how He works.” “He does like to show off, after all.”

“Here’s the thing, Jewel.” “If this is about you figuring things out, it won’t be about Abba.” “Do you see that?” “You’re trying to make sense of something that is His.” “Let Him figure it out and then guide you.” “There is a difference, you know.” “He makes everything work.” “Let it go.” “You’re off the hook.” "I've got great news for you." "You are no longer in charge of making everything work.” “He is.” “You know what’s really ironic?” “You weren’t making it work anyways.” “It was all Him.”

The words ring out and pierce a place in my soul. I know I have just had an encounter with truth. Truth embraced always sets free. All this time I’ve been trying to make something work that wasn’t mine in the first place.

I’ve been carrying something that was never mine to carry. I’m not good with the money. He in me, is. It’s not up to me. It’s never been up to me. It never will be. All along He has carried me. All that I am and have belongs to Him. It’s all His. He will carry what belongs to Him. I’m off the hook. I see it now.

My Father is wealthy. He is the Creator of the Universe. Everything belongs to Him. He carries my portion for me. At just the right moment in time He will release what is needful. He has my todays. He has my tomorrows. After all He is the Creator of them all. Once again the treasures of the kingdom are revealed to my heart. Once again I am undone.

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

The Fruit of His Labors

When the words came out of the pastor’s mouth I knew they had value. What stunned me was how exact they were. In fact they were almost identical to what I had written in my journal just days before. No one but God knew.

On November 20, 2004 I wrote, “I know that I am a horse in the gate itching for the signal to go off. Yet I know that can take me to a false start.”

On November 29, 2004, the pastor spoke “Don’t give up hope, fight for hope. I see a horse in the gate stomping to get out.” “You’re a sprinter, get in do the job, get it done.” “But God wants you to know that you are built for endurance. You are an endurance runner.” “Anchor hope with endurance.”

When something like that happens I know that God is not only in my midst but something is on my horizon. Prophetic words are often released as encouragement before God extends an invitation to walk with Him on a new path. As I walk with Him through the hills and valleys of life’s circumstances, He works behind the scenes establishing the fruit of His labor.

I’ve recently started walking my neighborhood several days a week. Being in the mountains the steep roads challenge my out of shape body. It would be really easy to give up and find something more pleasurable to do with my time. But I want to lose weight, I want to feel better, so I press on.

There’s one specific patch of road that is my greatest challenge. It’s the incline that gets me to my driveway. As I come upon it and look at how far I’ve yet to go, it’s then the body does it’s talking to the mind and the mind tries to convince the will. “You’ll never make it.” “Look how steep it is.” “You’re really hurting.” “Quit here.”

At that point I have no choice but to set my face like a flint. If I focus on my feet and that next step, I keep moving, endurance kicks in. If I look around me at what’s before me, I know I’ll never make it. I’ll give up.

The years since that prophetic word, have felt much like that incline. So many times I’ve wanted to give up. Pain, heartache, weariness have spoken to my heart. But Jesus inside kept calling me back to one step at a time. “Set your face like a flint on me.”

Today I was challenged to ask Jesus the following question: “What one aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is really active and growing in you?”

I asked, He answered. “Long-suffering”. What? Are you kidding me? Really? I was shocked!

I would have never picked that one. It’s never been true of me. It’s not one of my natural characteristics. I’ve never liked waiting, ask my family. Just like that horse at the gait, I’ve always been ready to move. Patience was not a characteristic anyone would have used to describe me.

But Jesus did.

I was taken back when I looked up the Greek meaning of long-suffering: patience, endurance, constancy, steadfastness, perseverance.

I see it now. These last few years, God’s been making me into an endurance runner. Out of desperate need, I’ve had to keep my eyes focused like a flint on His face to move me through that one step in front of me. In the process, little did I know, He’s been renewing my mind, by exchanging my broken flesh with the character of His indwelling Spirit. He says I’m long-suffering. Amazing. He really does work miracles. He’s transforming my mind.

Life takes on a deeper meaning as I see through His eyes what He’s doing inside me. Today He revealed the fruit of His labors. It matters. It really does. Endurance is having it’s perfect work. As I look into His eyes I see joy at the harvest He has borne in my heart. It makes it all worthwhile. For my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

What’s Jesus harvesting in your heart? Why not ask Him to reveal to you that one characteristic of the Holy Spirit He's now developing in you?

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4

©copyrighted 2009, Julie L. Todd

Free To Be

I sat in Starbucks with the beautiful teenage girl listening to her heart. She was telling me of how Jesus found her. I asked her what her greatest challenge in life was. I thought she might speak of her relationship with her mother, or a subject at school, or even knowing what to do with her life once high school ended. But it wasn’t so. Her greatest challenge was to pray for everyone she needed to pray for.

I felt the weight of her burden. I’ve carried the burden myself in years past. But Jesus has shown me a different way. It has breathed the breath of life into my soul. Maybe it would hers too.

Jesus is at the right hand of the father always interceding. At the same time He indwells me. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, Christ now lives in me. He’s not just someone who came to take away our sins, He now indwells each and every one of us. I don’t think we get that sometimes. But if we accepted His invitation for an exchanged life, it is our reality.

If Christ indwells us and is always interceding, then could it be that at all times prayer is going out of us while we are unaware?

I am convinced that everything is by His invitation. Where He wants me to join Him, He places a call, burden or desire on my heart. It doesn’t really require any effort. Instead it elicits a response.

There have been times when my heart has been so burdened for another that I couldn't get it off my mind. I’ve come to believe it is His invitation to join Him before the Father. It doesn’t require a discipline to pray, or even a list to remind myself. My heart is drawn to the point that I cannot NOT pray.

Which leads me to another point. What is prayer any ways? Is it sentences strung together that sound spiritual? Or could it be even an ache of the soul for another? Doesn’t He read our thoughts (Psalm 139:2)? Doesn’t He look on the heart of man? (I Samuel 16:7)

I’ve come to believe He reads our groans, tears, and thoughts; puts them into legible words and offers them to the Father. For at times, there are no words to be spoken.

There was a time when all I had was tears. The deep sobs wracked my body as I felt the intensity of life bearing down on me. There were no words to offer, only exhaustion. Yet, He came for me. Without a word spoken, Jesus came and lifted me up. It changed my paradigm. For I had been taught that we had to pray with words about everything. I hadn’t uttered a word, I didn’t have any. Yet Jesus read my tears and came.

I’ve come to believe that this is His way. Sometimes there are words to speak. They simply pour out of me. Other times I have groans and aches. And then there are times I have only tears. Each one is an invitation. Each one represents a heart’s cry. Each time He responds.

The beauty is that we are free to be in the moment. As we rest in His life lived in and through us we can just be. His Spirit indwelling us will invite us. It will be a response instead of a requirement. He will burden our hearts with those things that He desires us to join Him in.

I could see it in her eyes as I spoke. She’d never heard anything like it. I know, I hadn’t either. Complex Christianity has just been made simple. Be with God in the moments of life, knowing He will invite you into where He desires you to be. No more struggle and strain to “get ‘er done” we are now free to just be.

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©copyright: 2009 Julie L. Todd

Hiding in the Paths & Doorways

We started the conversation as dinner was being prepared. The young couple was giving us a glimpse into their hearts. They were on a journey that had taken them out of a church in town. Once outside the doors, they became aware of it’s trappings. Religious activity had covered their lives.

You could see the pain in their eyes as they spoke. Instead of showing them the path to the Father’s love they had become encumbered with commitments they were expected to fulfill. It happens to the best of us. It’s one of the downfalls of religious Christianity.

Many enter into places they have no business being because the need is great, the call is strong. They think it’s what God expects of them. Yet that’s the farthest thing from the truth.

I know this place all too well. I was once there. I wanted to work for God. I thought it was what was expected of me. Before you knew it I was sucked in, offering myself everywhere I could. It does feel good after all to be needed, wanted and valued. I rarely stopped to look before walking through an “open door”.

It was 9:00 AM on July 9th when I got the phone call. I knew something bad had happened. My daughter was crying so hard she could barely talk. “Mom I think I just got bit by a poisonous snake.” “It has a diamond shaped head.”

I tried to stay calm as I rushed to get my clothes on. Maybe she was wrong. Did she really know snakes that well?

A conversation with her father confirmed it. She had been bitten by a baby copperhead as she walked through the doorway into work. It had been hidden between the threshold and the door. She never thought to look to see what was in her path. If she had, she would have never stepped through that door.

I’ve walked through many doors in my church experience never stopping to look for traps. Everyone is needed, I was told. Being capable, I did things because I could. I moved from place to place in ministry and I was good at it. I was needed, wanted, appreciated.

I’ve since discovered something. The serpent lay hidden in many of the doorways I walked through. He deceived me into thinking that the Father expected that from me. He wanted me to find value in what I can do instead of who I was. It kept me from living loved.

Things became twisted in my understanding. I didn’t know the true heart of my Father. The enemy convinced me that this walk with God is about what I could do for God. When in fact it’s about what God wants to do in and through me.

I became busy in activities I had no business being in. My heart was far from my offering. I relished the recognition. I thought it pleased the Father.

It was then Jesus came for me. It was then I heard His call.

“Be still and know me, Jewel.” I accepted His invitation and discovered something. As I became still, my work ceased. The work became His. He began to live through me.

Jesus saw the religious trappings of old. He sees the ones of new. Walking the path with God is understanding what it’s really all about. Christ the hope of glory is our very life. He lives in us waiting to live out of us. It’s not our efforts. It’s His.

Stillness frees us from religious activity. For in stillness you learn not to move until He moves in you. Requirements and expectations no longer have a place. You find the Father’s heart which loves you as you are and invites you to where He is.

Today my husband was walking through a customer’s yard when he looked down and saw something out of the ordinary. A closer examination showed not only one, but two adult copperheads hiding on the path. They are now dead.

The serpent lurks about with his religious trappings. They are hidden in doorways of activity. They are hidden in paths of good intentions. Many will walk straight into them. They will miss the heart of the Father. For His heart calls out. "Be still dear one and know ME."

©copyrighted 2009 Julie L. Todd

All He Has is Yours.

I love Bible stories. Not only for the story they tell but for the message that is hidden behind the scenes. The Bible is chocked full of narratives of dysfunctional families. Tucked inside each account you’ll discover there’s more to the story than meets the eye. God’s heart is written on the pages of the lives of men, women and children.

Take the Prodigal Son story for example. How many sons do you see in the story? For years I only saw two, the Prodigal Son, and the older brother. But now I see 3.

The Prodigal Son doesn't want to wait for his father to die in order to receive his inheritance. He wants it now. He thinks he will find life outside the father’s house. So he goes to his father, asks for his inheritance and leaves. Independent living is his path. He only needs the father for what He can give to him. He doesn’t really know the heart of his father.

He goes out, squanders all that he has and ends up working in the fields with pigs. It’s then he realizes that the life he's living isn't cutting it. He realizes that what he left behind was really all he needed. He heads back home hoping that his father will at least let him come back and work for him as a hired hand.

The Father’s been watching for him, hoping he would return. While the son is still a long way off, he sees him. He grabs up his royal robes in order to be able to run out and meet him. Filled with compassion, he throws his arms around his son and kisses him. He commands his servants to bring the best robe. He places it on his son’s shoulders, along with a ring on his finger and sandals for his feet. The son is restored to his place in the father’s house, where he belongs. The father calls for the fattened calf to be killed for a feast of celebration. He doesn’t care what his son has done or where he’s been, he only cares that the he has returned and is now in his embrace.

The second son, the older brother, enters into the story. He’s been with the father all along working hard in the fields. Performance and striving are his path. He wants to please his father. He wants a place in the father’s heart. He doesn’t see the value in himself. He hopes his work will be enough.

When he sees the treatment his brother receives, He’s enraged. After all his brother considered his father as good as dead and now he has the gall to return. Why is the father celebrating his brother's return with a party? How come the father has never celebrated him like that?

Comparison kicks in, bringing with it, resentment. All the older son can think about is how hard he has worked for the father, yet no feast has ever been given in his honor. He confronts his father and his father’s response is "Son, all I have has always been yours." The older brother has been so caught up in finding value through his hard work that he never entered in to live as a son who was loved and celebrated. Love has always been there waiting for him. He could not see.

The 3rd son in the story is the Son who is telling the story, Jesus. He knew the heart of the Father. He knew His place there. He didn’t have to do anything to earn the Father’s love. He knew He was loved, therefore He lived love. His life is the invitation to us all. As the Father loved His Son, so we are loved.

Three sons paint the portrait of God here. The prodigal son didn’t see the value of the Father. The older brother didn’t see the value of himself. Jesus saw both. You can’t really live this life with God without both, but many do. Many do not see their place with the father. Many spend their time hoping that their good works will be enough. Comparison reveals that in a heart. For if you know your place there is no need to compare.

There is a special place in the heart of God that you hold. It is yours and yours alone. It has nothing to do with what you do or don’t do. You belong because you are His offspring. All he has has always been yours. That blows me away. All that God has has been there waiting for you, and for me. The invitation has been extended. Will you enter into the Father's house into His embrace? Will you leave it all behind and just be loved? The feast awaits.

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

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Waiting for the Harvest

I've wanted to have my very own garden for years. There's something about planting a seed and watching it grow into a harvest that stirs my soul. I got my wish this year. I've planted my very own vegetable garden here in the Blue Ridge mountains.

I've developed a ritual. Every morning and evening I walk out to evaluate my garden to see what's changed. It all started right after the seeds were planted. I eagerly watched to see if anything had taken root. It wasn’t long before tiny shoots of life emerged from underground. The seeds had germinated, life had begun. Blooms soon appeared as the plants continued to grow.

I've yet to water my garden. It’s been amazing to watch. Every time the garden needs to be watered, God takes care of it for me. We've had some pretty intense storms as of late. The deluge of rain accompanied by strong winds have given me cause to wonder how the plants would fare.

An assessment of my squash one day brought the first disturbance. The pods were dying. The hard rains accompanied by the swift climbing of the heat index had limited air circulation. Online gardeners advised pulling off the rotting fruit, allowing the plants to have a fresh start. After following their instructions, baby squash once again filled the plants. Balance had been restored.

Tomatoes have been on the vine for weeks now. Some days they don't even look like they've changed. Will they ever be ready to pick? Each day I look for signs of harvest. It does a soul good to reap.

I don't know why I am so amazed that things in life correlate with my spirit, but I am. This precious garden represents my heart. I watch and wait to see if the seeds planted inside me have germinated. Will they grow to serve a greater purpose? Will there be a harvest? Will things ever be ripe for the picking? I want things to hurry along. I want the plantings in my heart to bear life that will feed another soul. I grow weary in the waiting.

Sometimes I wonder if I will make it through the storms that come and go. At times I question whether fruit will ever appear out of this quiet season of my life.

How does one hang onto the dreams in their hearts while waiting for the ripening moment, I ask Jesus? Sometimes the dreams seem lost, hidden away. Sometimes I wonder if they were mine or His. Sometimes I lose heart in the waiting moments.

"Have you ever watched an oak tree grow?” He asks.

No, not really.

My curiosity is piqued.

I discovered something. It takes 50 years for an oak tree to birth acorns. Growing from an acorn to an oak that bears life is a process, much of which is not drastically noticeable. It doesn't diminish the facts, there is a seed growing into a tree that will reproduce life.

Waiting is hard. Sometimes it feels like an eternity. Sometimes the mundane tasks of life give the appearance that this is as good as it gets.

“Waiting has it’s purpose, Jewel.”

The story of Joseph speaks so tenderly to my heart and I consider; did he wonder if there was more to life? Did he see the mundane around him? Did he lose his dreams? Did he grow weary of waiting? Did he lose heart?

A ripening moment came for Joseph when he least expected it. One day he woke up to find the end of his confinement. He was released from prison to the 2nd most powerful position in the nation. It was time for the harvest. Waiting had had it’s work.

I see the tomatoes on the vine. I cannot wait to taste them. Yet I know, in the waiting the plant is left to finish it's process. To pick them too early is to lesson their flavor. Hanging on the vine they ripen into a fruit that tantalizes the senses. So I wait.

Life is like that, you know. Resting on the vine, allows the fruit to have it’s ripening moment in me too. One day the waiting will have it’s work. I will emerge an oak of righteousness that displays His splendor.

“Perseverance must finish it’s work so that you might be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:4

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

Meet Billy Coffey

I’ve found a wonderful blog. Billy Coffey is a gifted writer who watches as the story unfolds in his everyday world. I asked him if he would share a post with you, my friends. I hope you will go and visit Billy. I believe you will be inspired. I know I am each time I visit. Thank you Billy for sharing with us. (*Note, I tried 4 times to get this post spaced correctly, if it's still not right, please don't let the spacing deter you from reading this post. It's an amazing post.)

The One by Billy Coffey

I first wrote this for my children, who had grown tired of the usual fare of bedtime stories involving knights and princesses in distress. "Tell us a real story," they said.

So here it is. Written not just for them, but for you, too. And all I ask in return is that after your bedtime prayers tonight, you think about this and sleep well...

One day God sat upon His heavenly throne and looked down upon all He had made. All the galaxies of all the universes were in His sight. Some were spiral, some flat, some round, but each were wondrous in their size and beauty.

He saw comets whisking about, their tails long and shiny. Suns burst with incredible brilliance. Black holes churned. And He saw the secret places where no eyes but His own ever roamed. Everything turned in a silent celestial dance that many could ponder but only He could understand.

He saw stars of all shapes and sizes—huge red ones, medium yellow ones, small white ones. And around the stars were worlds innumerable. Some hung peacefully in the blackness of space. Others teemed with strange and wondrous life. And God saw that it was all good and wonderful and perfect.

Then the eyes of the Lord settled upon one small galaxy among the millions, then upon one yellow star among the billions, to one pale, blue dot.

Of all the worlds God had created, the blue dot was the most beautiful in His eyes. It was a world of unsurpassed beauty, of churning oceans and majestic mountains, of soaring birds and graceful animals.

But there was something more there. Something far more valuable. For God had made oceans and mountains and creatures on many other worlds and in many other galaxies, but only in this one place, only upon this pale, blue dot, did God fashion beings who carried within them a part of Himself.

Man and Woman, the Lord called them. It was God’s love that gave them life, and it was God’s love that gave them the choice of whether to love Him back. But they chose unwisely. Now, the very ones God had created had forgotten Him. His children had lost their way. And more than that, they had lost their faith.

The pale, blue dot that was once so pure was now nearly ruined. There was war and bloodshed, hate and slavery, pain and suffering. And as the Lord listened, the cries of the people echoed throughout all of heaven. The smile that was upon God’s face began to fade. The cherubim who circled the throne in constant song stopped then, their wings lowered. Slowly they turned to face their Lord, astonished at the sight.

For God, Creator of all, had begun to cry.

Then with a powerful voice He called out, “Michael, come!”

The mighty doors of the throne room opened as Michael the archangel, commander of the armies of heaven, appeared. His clothing shone brighter than the brightest star, and a golden sword hung from his side. As he bowed before the Lord his wings stretched outward, so large and majestic that they seemed to touch the very corners of heaven.

“What is Thy wish, my Lord?” Michael asked.

“Michael,” God answered, “the time has come. Go forth and bring to me the soul unlike all others. Bring to me The One.”

At those words the cherubim again burst into joyful song, for they knew all of heaven had waited for this moment since time itself began. Michael’s smile was lit with the radiance of a hundred suns. “As you wish, my Lord,” he said, drawing his massive sword in salute.

Michael left the presence of God and searched throughout heaven. He walked along the golden streets and by the crystal sea until, finally, he had found whom God had requested, whom God had called The One. The two of them journeyed back to the throne and bowed before the Lord.

“My child,” God said, “do you see the pale, blue dot below you?”

“Yes, Father,” replied The One.

“No world is more precious to Me. And none of the souls I have ever created are more loved by My heart than those whom you see walking upon it. And yet they have forgotten how to live. They have forgotten that they share one Father, and so they quarrel and hate. Their words maim the heart and their actions destroy the soul. They think not of their neighbors, but only of themselves. Yet My love for them is such that I will not forsake them. They have cried out for My help, and I will answer them. I will send them you.

“You must go and take their form. You will grow to walk among them, and you are to help them remember how I would have them live. Teach them to love one another. Show them that they can have joy.

“And above all, tell them that the life I have given them is not a curse, but a blessing. Their lives upon the pale, blue dot are short and their days are few. Tell them that they must never take their days for granted, but use their time to ease the burdens of others. Tell them not to worry. Tell them not to fear. Tell them that the Lord watches over them, and that His love is great.

“Take care, My child, and be strong. You will be tempted to speak as they speak and live as they live. Resist those things. Remember instead that the pale, blue dot is not your true home. Your true home is here, with Me. Be gentle with others. See in them yourself. See in them Me. Grow in wisdom.

"Let the light I have put in you shine forth and do not forget your purpose, for you will suffer greatly. You will feel the pains of loss, and you will journey to the depths of sadness and despair. These things you must experience, for they are shared by all. Only turn to Me, your Father. I will comfort you in your anguish, I will laugh with you in your joy, and I will bless you abundantly.

“Go now, My child, and make haste, for you are the answer to their prayers. Do not forget Me. Remain strong and courageous, and remember that I look down upon you always.”

With that the precious soul rose up and stood upon the edge of heaven. All the angels gathered there in silence as Michael took The One by the hand and together descended to the tiny, blue dot...

***

How does the story end? I can't say. I don't know.

Because, you see, the story is still happening.

Because you are The One.

And right now, this minute, all the angels stand upon the edge of heaven, and watch…

Please visit Billy at His Blog: "What I Learned Today"