Friday, August 28, 2009

It's All Him

The tears rolled down my face as my husband prayed. He knew it was imperative that he take me to the Father. All it took was one look at my troubled face to know.


We had just gone over the budget for our current and impending expenses. The weight of how it would all work out was bearing down on me. It’s not uncommon for me to feel it. As he prayed I knew it wasn’t about the money. It was about something much deeper.


I’ve always hated money. There never seems to be enough of it. We live frugally. I’m good with making it stretch. But this, how would I manage all this? As David prayed, specific words penetrated into some deep place. I couldn’t shake them. “These bank accounts and expenses are yours, Father.” Why did I feel so detached from those words? I knew the truth. All I have is His. Why then did it all feel like mine?


I realized that an invitation to look a little deeper had arrived. I knew I needed to draw away with Jesus and talk.

Jesus, why does the money get me so?


“It represents security.” “You don’t like the unknown.” “But I want to tell you something, Jewel.” “The unknown is where you find Me.” “Do you see that?”


There is no peace here, Jesus. Something is amiss. The money is beyond my ability to figure out. I’ve been here before, many times... Why haven’t I learned this?


“You haven’t been ready to fully let go until now.” “You’ve held onto the belief that it’s up to you.” “How many times have you said, “I’m in charge of the money?”


Too many to count.


“It’s what you believe, isn’t it?” Yes. “Is it really yours?” "Are you really in charge?"


“Jewel, I never knew how the provision for my needs would come.” “But I knew that I and all that I had, was His” “I knew He took care of that which was His.” “You’re forgetting that.” “Don’t forget that, Jewel.” “It’s imperative.”


“It’s all His, Jewel.” “How could you possibly figure out what is His?” “It’s His to figure out.” “No wonder you are weary. This isn’t yours to carry.” “You listen, you follow, it’s that simple. He’ll do the rest.” “You’ll be amazed at how He works.” “He does like to show off, after all.”


“Here’s the thing, Jewel.” “If this is about you figuring things out, it won’t be about Abba.” “Do you see that?” “You’re trying to make sense of something that is His.” “Let Him figure it out and then guide you.” “There is a difference, you know.” “He makes everything work.” “Let it go.” “You’re off the hook.” "I've got great news for you." "You are no longer in charge of making everything work.” “He is.” “You know what’s really ironic?” “You weren’t making it work anyways.” “It was all Him.”


The words ring out and pierce a place in my soul. I know I have just had an encounter with truth. Truth embraced always sets free. All this time I’ve been trying to make something work that wasn’t mine in the first place.


I’ve been carrying something that was never mine to carry. I’m not good with the money. He in me, is. It’s not up to me. It’s never been up to me. It never will be. All along He has carried me. All that I am and have belongs to Him. It’s all His. He will carry what belongs to Him. I’m off the hook. I see it now.


My Father is wealthy. He is the Creator of the Universe. Everything belongs to Him. He carries my portion for me. At just the right moment in time He will release what is needful. He has my todays. He has my tomorrows. After all He is the Creator of them all. Once again the treasures of the kingdom are revealed to my heart. Once again I am undone.

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

15 comments:

Karen said... Reply to comment

It is ironic, as you wrote...on our own, we can never make things work out right, so why not release it all to the One who knows our tomorrows...sadly, that is sometimes easier said than done, or at least it is for me...I am still learning...sometimes the hard way...

Thanks for this encouraging post for Friday...it was just what I needed to read today....

Debbie said... Reply to comment

Julie, this is just what I needed to read right now. I was taking a break from figuring out our bills and trying to make the money stretch. I know where you're coming from. I really needed this reminder, especially after I just participated in 7 days of laying it all down with Lisa Shaw. This is another thing I need to lay down. What a great encouragement this was for me and I thank you.

Lana Vaughan, Reality Developer said... Reply to comment

I signed the contract with Mt Hermon for "Go Deeper Still", wrote the deposit check and mailed it yesterday. It's God's project, His resources, His to call and finance. My part is to do what He directs with what He gives, be it money, time or any other resource.

Gretchen said... Reply to comment

Beautifully said. Thank you for going there with us. You touch my heart through your writing, and He pierces it through your authenticity.

Crown of Beauty said... Reply to comment

How right you are, money represents security. As long as we feel we have enough of it, we feel okay and secure. Praise God for how Jesus spoke so gently, yet so clearly, to your heart about it.

I am sure there are many more aside from me who need to read this post. It is so timely.

Thank you for sharing so openly.

Love
Lidj

selahV said... Reply to comment

Julie, It seems our lives are a continual need. How wise our Lord was to include in His model prayer that we ask of our Father, "give us this day our daily bread". So often I forget that it's only daily, not next week's. The manna is for a day, not a month.

With my husband's heart condition and our need to go on a fixed income, the Lord must continually remind me how He is my Supplier, He is my provision. He knows my need before I even need it. And sometimes when I think, "where am I going to get enough to pay this or that", He sends a check out of some unexpected place. But more often He sends a post like yours, to remind me that He is in control and will see me through the riptides of life. Thank you. May God pour out a blessing upon you that meets your need in miraculous ways. selahV

Laura said... Reply to comment

He shares so many riches with us, it astounds me sometimes.

Keep seeking Him, my sweet friend. He will take care of it all!

christy rose said... Reply to comment

Wow!
"Truth embraced always sets free. All this time I’ve been trying to make something work that wasn’t mine in the first place."
An encounter with Truth will set us free. This was so good. I was with you the whole way. I hate money too. I so agree with you that there never seems to be enough. You think you get it all figured out and something comes up unexpected. It all seems to work out in the long run but never easily. Thanks for bringing some fresh Truth my way today. It is not mine to be concerned with or take care of. It is His! Thanks Julie! Thanks Jesus!

Amy said... Reply to comment

Julie,

This is beautiful...I especially love how you wrote, "He does like to show off, after all."

I continually stay in AWE of the way God shows off in my life!

Every time He comes to the rescue it's better than the time before! He is simply amazing!

Love you!
Amy

Katie said... Reply to comment

You know, Jewel, two yeas ago I was asking God why so many of His people were struggling with money. I wanted to know how this brought glory to Him.

You know what part of His answer was? It was this...because too many of us still haven't learned to give up the control of our finances, and this is the only way to bring us to that point.

It took Him five years to set me free from this worry and fear, but now the peace is indescribable...and I smile every time I find another Christian sharing the same awesome testimony.

Praise the Lord!

mnikpat said... Reply to comment

Jewelz,

I just cried myself to sleep the other night because I was feeling the burden of trying to carry everthing myself and not letting God carry my burdens. Thanks for always being willing to share your heart. It is beautiful!

Love ya

Nichole

Tricia said... Reply to comment

Thanks for stopping by. This lesson you wrote about is a hard one to learn. I know people who have been Christ-followers since before I was born, and yet, they don't understand this concept. May God continue to bless you as you continue to draw close and seek Him. :)

Sonia said... Reply to comment

The beautiful thing about God is how he is soooooo abundantly faithful. It's amazing to me. I know that he will provide you with the help you need as you are letting go and are letting Him. You have a beautiful heart.

Thank you for your thoughts on my post at exemplify. I love that: "I am undone!"
have a great day, God Bless :)

Crown of Beauty said... Reply to comment

Hi dear friend,
JUst want you to know that your posts have been such a blessing to my heart.

Please hop over to my Aug 31 post, there is something there to encourage your heart.

Love
Lidj

Tea With Tiffany said... Reply to comment

I needed to hear this. I've always hated money too. For the same reasons. This is truth. I receive it. Thank you, Jesus.