I am absolutely complete

As a year ends it’s common to hear the phrase “out with the old, in with the new.” Even though I know God does not measure time in my life by the turning of a calendar page, it always feels to me as if a new day is dawning.

At the end of each year I reflect by reviewing my journals for the year. I then contemplate the year to come as I hear Him ask me, "What do you want me to do for you this year, Jewel?"

It does my heart good to remember all that God has said and done. This time I felt the tug to do something a little different. I heard the Spirit prompting me to go back to 2004 and read forward. So I did. Those who know me, know that's alot of reading as I am quite the journaler. My family often teases me in regards to my many journals.

By the time I got to the end of 2009 I knew what He was asking of me. I could not hold onto the data that filled the sheets of paper any longer. The words rang out clearly inside my head, "forget the former things, I'm doing something new."

I had journals from as far back as the 1990's full of data. It was time to lay them aside and remove all records of wrongs. God keeps no record of wrongs, He was asking me to let mine go too.

Filtered throughout the pages of each journal were accounts of offenses that had been done by me, and to me. It was time to give myself and those who had offended me a clean slate. I had at some level done that as I had forgiven the injustices long before. But dwelling between the covers of each book were well kept documentations that brought the memories back to life. They would continue to dwell there until they were destroyed. Christ beckoned me to let go.

In the wee hours of the morning of New Year’s Eve I knew it was time. I gathered several up and began the process of turning the sheets of pages into ashes as I began to burn each journal.

As the ashes filled the fireplace I knew it was symbolic of what He had repetitively told me through the pages I had just read. He was turning my ashes into beauty.

As the fire burned I pondered the year to come. I decided to look up the Jewish meaning of the number ten, as numbers carried meaning to the Hebrews. Ten means absolute completion.

Suddenly I could see something I'd missed for years. There planted in John, between two tens was my promise for the new year. “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that they might have life and have it to the full," (John 10:10). The thief has tried to steal me away from my reality. Jesus has come to dwell inside me to make me absolutely complete. Just like my journals, He has burned my past into ashes. It is no more. His life in me realized will be my completion.

As I watched the pages of my life burn my heart cried out. "Beauty for ashes, dear Jesus." "Take the ashes and turn them into the beauty of your life in me realized completely.

The "it is finished" life of Christ dwells in me richly replacing the ashes of the past. His life is my beauty.

On this new day of this new year, my heart cries out. Oh that I might live my reality. I am absolutely complete.

©copyrighted: 2010, Julie L. Todd

The Misunderstood God

I was given the privilege of reviewing the book by Darin Hufford, "The Misunderstood God". To be honest with you I knew by the title that this would be one of those books that I would not only enjoy but find myself agreeing with. It did not disappoint.

He starts out at the beginning of the book describing the God presented to him in church growing up. He says, "The God they told me about was not someone I would want to be friends with."

He then begins to paint a portrait of the God of Love. Each chapter takes a facet of love described in I Corinthians 13 and reveals how it is displayed in the heart of the One who is Love.. Darin exposes how the heart of God has been not only misinterpreted but misunderstood. The God many of us have known is not the God of I Corinthians 13:

Darin brings home the revelation of the effects of love. He says, "We spend more time trying to perform the effects of love than we do loving."

Many of us have been confused by God's true nature. Darin has taken the mess that religion has made and exposed a clear, beautiful revelation that God is love itself.

I loved reading this book and highly recommend it. If you desire a greater revelation into knowing what true love looks like, pick up Darin's book. You won't be disappointed.

You can find it here: The Misunderstood God

A Journey Into Grace

It's hard to believe that it's been 2 years since I fully entered the world of blogging. This little website has opened up my world in ways I never dreamed possible.

I recently rented the movie, "Julie & Julia" and I absolutely loved it. There was something about Julie's journey that spoke to a deep place in my soul. I felt a kindred spirit with her in some crazy sort of way. She was lost in her world until one day she decided to venture into the world of blogging. With each post written something began to be unearthed inside her. She found her voice. She found a love for writing. She became a writer.

It was almost 7 years ago that I first heard Him call me away to the desert. "Jewel, I am alluring you into the desert where I will speak tenderly to you. I will take you door of sorrow and turn it into a door of hope. You will no longer call me Master, you will now call me, husband" Hosea 2:14-16

Little did I know that in that moment He was inviting me into my transformation. He has been removing the rubble of my life and restoring what has been lost to me. He's been unearthing ME.

He has held true to those words. No longer am I bound to the shackles of the law. I am now living as one who is loved. It's a far cry from where I started. I live to tell. It is why I write.

This little blog has opened up something inside of me. I have found a love for writing. I am becoming a writer. I am finding my voice. I wasn't expecting that. In fact I actually signed up for this blog by accident. Or at least I thought it was by accident.

The truth is, God knew I had many words inside me begging to get out. I was spiritually constipated. He was pouring so much into me, yet there was no place of release. Words piled up inside my head and then He invited me here. This place has become an oasis, where I get to release His heart inside me that has been aching to get out.

As of late I feel the winds of the Spirit stirring me to step in a little deeper. I believe He is asking me to tell my story. It is the account of my journey into grace. I will begin after Christmas. I'd love to have you travel back with me.

Thank you to all who have walked with me this far. You have held my hand, brushed away my tears, encouraged me forward and loved my heart. For this I am truly grateful!

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Eph. 3:20-21

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

*NOTE: Check back after Christmas for the beginning of my posts on my Journey into Grace.

The Transformation of Love

The more I learn about the butterfly, the more captivated I become. I love the picture it paints. I love the story it tells. It speaks to a deep place in my soul.

When it’s time for a caterpillar to shed it’s final skin it finds an isolated place where it can metamorphose. The outer skin of the pupa then hardens forming a chrysalis which protects and hides it while it transforms.

When I moved to this small rural town almost three years ago now I came sporting my credentials. I had just finished teaching a 12 week class on the book “Captivating” at a former church. I had seen a gifting that I had not known was inside me. It exhilarated me. I was chomping at the bit to be used for God. Truth be told I was chomping at the bit to be of value.

His words came to me clearly one day. “Stop promoting yourself. I will promote you if I want you to be used.” It became clear He was up to something.

Relationships that I thought would take off didn’t. Ministry opportunities that I volunteered for were filled by others. I’d been here before. I knew it was an “invitation of God”. I knew He was calling me away to the stillness, where the gentle whispers could become loud in my ears. For the busyness of ministry often drowned out that still small voice.

These last 2 years have been filled with something I never saw coming. God began to teach me how to find my value in Him alone. He began to change me from the inside out. He invited me to live as one who is loved. He guided me into loving myself as He loves me.

This week He pulled back the curtains and revealed more of the masterpiece He’s been sculpting with my heart. Given an unexpected invitation to speak at a women’s tea exposed the work of His hands.

Instead of jumping at the opportunity, I tried to run. It was the opposite of what I had done before.

He wouldn’t let me run. It was His door opened for me. So I went, I spoke.

As I sat down in my seat after speaking I realized something. I’ve changed. The desire to promote myself has vanished. I no longer need to speak to have value. I have no desire to seek to have a ministry or a gifting. I have found my place in His heart. I am absolutely and completely content living as one who is loved.

I stand amazed as I look at where I once was and where I now stand. A woman who for a time found great value in striving, performance, busyness, and knowledge no longer has a desire for those things. The heart of the father has won my heart... I have been transformed.

Our reality is we are fused with Christ. God cannot tell where one life ends and the other begins. When we get that, really get that, there will be no need to find value anywhere else.

The God of the universe chose to tabernacle in us. Would that we could see the value He places on us. That He would choose to dwell within us. It’s astounding when you consider it.

He wants you to know and live in your reality, so He comes. He invites you to enter into the metamorphose of the life of Christ which dwells within. In the shelter of grace He will love away your insecurities and teach you how to love yourself. For He's known you for a long time. He's loved you forever.

As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; remain in my love. John 15: 9

©copyrighted:2009 Julie L. Todd

Follow the Leader

When she walked out onto the dance floor I don’t think she really had any idea what was about to happen. Neither did the judges or the viewers for that matter.

The daughter of a famous musician, she had lived quite the life. She spoke of how she viewed herself. She talked of the drugs she had taken to cope with the ridicule she had faced as a child in school. It was a means to escape the pain.

What happened over the course of the next ten weeks was breathtaking to say the least. Kelly Osbourne entered the dance floor rough around the edges. She exited with a hidden beauty revealed. You couldn’t help but see the transformation. She came alive as a woman, seeing things she’d never seen before about herself. The more she danced the more her confidence grew, the more people were drawn to her. At the end she said it was a "life changing experience".

It all started with trust. Each week there were new dances to learn, sometimes two. Each time she started out knowing absolutely nothing about what she was doing. She relied on her partner to teach her, guide her, take her where she needed to be.

It wasn’t always perfect, but she followed as best she could. Before you knew it she was dancing with poise and dignity. The journey invited her to see something about herself she had not known. She was indeed a lady. All she needed was one person to believe in her. One who would show her the way into the dance.

I’m struck each time I watch Dancing with the Stars. I absolutely love the metamorphosis of the dancers. I love where they start and where the end. They are out of their genre, out of their league. They are completely reliant on their partner. I love the picture it paints.

For you see, I believe Jesus is the Lord of the Dance. He loves to show us what is inside us. He loves to reveal who we are for those around us to see. It is after all His heart inside lived out.

The disciples followed Him and were transformed. There wasn’t much required. Just go where I go, see what I see, take it all in, and I will make you. As the disciples followed Jesus they were changed.

That’s what I saw in Kelly Osbourne as she danced. She followed her partner and she was changed. The journey of the dance revealed more of the woman hidden inside.

It’s what I see life to be. Jesus extends His hand to each of us inviting us into the dance of living as one who is loved. It doesn’t require anything, but trust. He is our One true partner, the one who believes in us. If we will follow He will make all things known.

He is the Lord of the dance. Transformation comes as we follow. Little by little the beauty of the inside emerges out of the ashes leaving them behind. It is then we will begin to see what He has always known. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

“The King is enthralled with your beauty” Psalm 45:11

©copyrigted 2009 Julie L. Todd

What's in the Doorway?

*Note: I wrote another post about the experience below a few months back. But as Papa is prone to do, He has given me another revelation of His heart through this experience.

It was 9:00AM on July 9th when I got the phone call. My daughter’s unintelligible words mixed with tears told me something bad had happened. “Mom, I think I just got bit by a poisonous snake”.

I tried to stay calm as I rushed to get my clothes on. Maybe she was wrong. Did she really know snakes that well? Moments later a conversation with her father confirmed it. My daughter had been bitten by a baby copperhead while walking through the doorway at work. It lay hidden between the thresh hold and the door.

It took several weeks of healing before she was back on her feet. From that point on, she watched where her feet were planted.

Months after her healing, I realized something profound. That is a picture of my story.

Jesus came to me and offered me salvation. I accepted. I had no clue what it all really meant. I knew that I had alot of sin and needed forgiveness. I knew I needed love. It was by grace that I was saved.

I walked through the door and was immediately bitten by the serpent that lay hidden in the doorway of religious activity.

I was loaded up with a list of things that good Christians do. If you want to love God well, you should spend at least 30 minutes a day in quiet time, preferably in the morning, like Jesus did. Every good Christian made prayer lists, volunteered to teach Sunday School, attended Bible study and every church service, evangelized, signed up for VBS. You get the idea.

I look back on it now and realize something astounding. Grace brought me to salvation. But I left grace behind once I walked through that door. The list of “should’s took over my life. I lost sight of the invitation to just be loved. In fact I didn't really know that being loved was the offer. The serpent had his bite into me and I didn’t even know it. With my imperfections he began to spread his poison of shame throughout the veins of my life. I never seemed to do enough to feel loved.

The serpent lurks about seeking who he might destroy. If he can keep me bound to a life of should’s he will keep me bound to shame, for I will surely fail. If you don’t believe that, think about how you feel when you miss your “quiet time” for several days or haven’t prayed for anyone. Guilt and shame rear their ugly heads.

Here’s my reality. For God so loved He sent Jesus to restore me back to love. I am an image bearer of the Most High God. I and all my old, dead flesh have been crucified with Christ. I no longer live. Christ now lives in me.

I didn’t get it back then, but I am starting to now. Jesus brought me to salvation to bring me back to living as one who is loved. The One who knew He was loved because of who He was to the Father says to me. “Just as the Father has loved me, I now love you.” It’s a love where there are no conditions, no expectations, no requirements because all was fulfilled by Him.

It’s the most stunning thing I’ve ever known. Words of invitation are extended, “Jewel, let me love you into who you are.” “Take off the shackles of slavery to the should’s”. “You are free.” “Live out of my love.” “Don’t return to a yoke of slavery.” “Not to sin.” “Not to works.” “It’s no longer about what you need to do.” “It’s now about Me and what I will do.” “Follow me, Jewel”.. “I will make.” “I made you to love you, it’s that simple.” “As you live in love, you will fulfill all the Father desires for you.”

I’ve been on this path for a few years now. He’s held true to His promise. My true identity is emerging as I receive His love. Guilt and shame have for the most part dropped away. They frequently try to visit, but have become unwelcome guests.

His Spirit has taken me to places I didn’t know existed, straight into the heart of deep intimacy with the Father. I've never known love like this before. As I’ve settled into His embrace, I’ve found the place of grace. It’s the doorway where love covers a multitude of sins. It’s where love covers me.

©copyright: 2009 Julie L. Todd

Also posted at the Internet Cafe:

Clearing Away the Clutter

On February 4, 1974 Patricia Hearst, heiress to the Hearst fortune, was kidnapped by the terrorist group, the Symbionese Liberation Army. The country was astonished when videotaping of her holding a machine gun in the midst of a bank robbery surfaced on national news. It was uncharacteristic of her to have such erratic behavior. Those who knew her well came to the conclusion that she must have been brainwashed. Once she was set free, it took her months to grasp her freedom.

It's taken me years to get here. It's proof of His relentless love that pursues to make all things new. The more He reveals to me, the more I see.

I was brainwashed by a hodgepodge of beliefs I’ve allowed to collect in my mind. It’s come through many different avenues in life. As a result, I have lived under the auspice of a false identity.

Little by little the clutter in my mind is being cleared away, revealing the true identity that has been hidden within.

In my Grandmother's house was an attic filled to overflowing with artifacts and trash, evidence of life lived. When it came time to prepare the house for new occupants the attic had to be cleaned. We all dreaded it. There was over 80 years of stuff stored up there. We knew it would take us hours, even days to clear it all away.

We donned our masks and braved the steep steps into the dark to begin the daunting task. We had no idea what we would find. At times we would come across a treasure. It told us something about the person it belonged to. But the bulk of what dwelt in that attic was trash. Things that should have been thrown away years before, were hidden away in the dark, taking up space.

So it has been with me. Papa God has been cleaning out the nooks and crannies of my mind. He's been removing the debris that has cluttered it, keeping me from living in the truth. In the process, the treasures of who I really am are coming into the light. I'm learning to love what He loves. I'm learning to love ME.

The more I discover the more I realize. It is imperative that I know what He thinks about me. It's crucial that I live in the new identity which He has restored to me. It is, after all, who I was always made to be.

I've allowed life around me to define my identity. It is not His way. It never will be. For you see I was crucified with Christ. I no longer live. Christ now lives in me. My identity is Christ in Julie Todd.

He's always known me. He wants me to know too. He pursues me until I see. My sins do not define me, nor do life's circumstances. My behavior is not an indicator of who I am. It is my reaction to the world around me instead of my response to a God who loves me.

David invited God in Psalm 139: to search him and know if there was any hurtful way in him, to lead him in the way everlasting. As I pondered the Hebrew translation I realized something. David invited God to look inside him and reveal those things that have been damaging. He wanted to be guided to the everlasting way. It is the way that has been from the beginning.

I want to live like that. I want to live in who I was meant to be, before I entered a world covered in sin.

He's clearing away the clutter. Who I have believed myself to be is not who I am.

I'm finally beginning to see.

On my worst day, I am the righteousness of Christ. It just doesn't get any better than that.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference. Romans 3:22

©copyrighted: 2009 Julie L. Todd

My friend, Tiffany from Tea With Tiffany, has me as a guest blogger today. Pop on over and visit Tiff. She's a dear friend of my heart. Let her know I sent you!