Love Letters

  I love a good love story.  Nathaniel pursues Cora in “The Last of the Mohicans”.  Lancelot saves Guinevere, riding off in the sunset on horseback.  Adam and Eve alone in the garden walking with God in the cool of the day, aware only of each other and their God.   There’s something about a good love story that stirs my heart.

      We are living in the greatest love story ever told.  So much of life around us distracts us away from the realization of how deeply we are pursued and loved, but that does not lessen the facts.  The bride price has been paid, we have been chosen, we are loved with an everlasting love.  Do you see Papa’s pursuit of your heart each day?  

      When I met my husband he was in the Coast Guard stationed on board a ship in Virginia  while I was in a small town in Tennessee.  It was before the time of e-mail, and free long distance.  There was not much access to the phone so our main communication was through letters..............

     To finish this article, please join me at the Internet Cafe:

    

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

An Invitation will come

Sometimes putting into words what Papa is speaking to my heart is difficult.  It's like I have certain pieces of the puzzle but find myself contemplating where they fit into my life.

I hear Papa speaking to me about living in purpose vs. living in the routines of life and it can so easily become a contemplative search into what my purpose is.  There are plenty of books out there that are telling us that we were created with a purpose.  And we were.  But subtlety, sometimes the message gets twisted a bit.  Before you know it I am on a search to discover what "my purpose" on this earth is.  Suddenly I am frustrated and stuck.  What is it I am gifted with?  What is my unique version of Papa?  If I can't answer the question I begin to spiral down.  After all surely by now I should know what I am gifted in.  I am 50 years old you know.

So with journal out, I begin to talk to Papa about it.  It's not that I don't know some of the ways He has gifted me, it's that I don't know how to move out in that.  I've been longing to be that oak of righteousness that displays His splendor. I want desperately to shadow His image to others.

How do I make that happen?  Where do I step out?

Sweetly He begins to remind me of Joseph, Moses, David, Mary, Gideon.  All were minding their own business, doing their thing when Papa's invitation came.  None of them were seeking to know their purpose in life.  Their purpose came to them.

I have found that when the questions about my destiny come up, I often find myself introspecting, turning life inward and making it about me.  It's never fruitful until He turns my thinking around and reminds me, my life is not about me figuring things out.  It's about Him in me, inviting me to live in the moment, His moment. 

Moses was a shepherd, minding his own business,  when Papa appeared to him in a burning bush and invited him into his destiny.  Peter was a fisherman when Jesus walked by and summoned him to follow.  Mary, was a young teenager when the angel appeared to her and told her of her future, Gideon was in a winepress sifting wheat and hiding when he was called to be the valiant warrior.  Not one of them was seeking to know their purpose in life or the destiny they were to fulfill.  In fact all of them were surprised, and caught off guard.  Each one was invited into their role by Papa Himself.

Moses and Gideon tried to decline the invitation.  They could not see themselves following.  All Moses could see was his speech impediment, and Gideon saw his weakness.  Both wanted to send in their "regrets" to Papa's invitation.

The reality is, Papa sends out an invitation and waits for an RSVP.  I hear Him saying to me, "There's too much emphasis on figuring out your life.  "The point is, your life has a purpose and a destiny."  "It's not yours to figure out, it's Mine to invite you into."  

One day, when all the preparations were complete,  Joseph woke up and the prison doors opened for him.  He was invited into his destiny. There was nothing that he did to make it happen.  He didn't figure it all out.  He just lived his life in the midst of Papa's embrace.  When the ripening moment came, Papa called him out.

I love that I don't have to figure out what I was created for.  I need only to live in the embrace of His love.  When the preparations are complete, His invitation will go forth calling me into my destiny.  Living in His embrace includes hearing the whispers of His voice when He calls.  

"Live in the moment" I hear Him telling me.  "I will call you out".  "Listen for my call, Jewel, and just RSVP when it comes." "There is a time for everything, a ripening moment."

His invitation will come for me.  It will come for you.  It's not about us, it's about Him.  He knows the ripening moment.  Peace resides in my soul as I watch and wait, enjoying His embrace today.

"There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven."

       Ecclesiastes 3:1

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

Routine or Purpose

Papa is bringing things to my mind again.  I feel a stirring of winds in my soul...something is on the horizon, what I'm not exactly sure.  But I know this, things are unsettled inside me in such a way that it is causing me to look at life and consider.  What is it I really want?  How do I really want my life to be lived out?  What do I want for my kids?

I had a dream last night.  Papa often speaks to me through my dreams.  Sometimes they are a picture,with a meaning behind them.  Not all dreams are like that but I know when one has meaning because it doesn't leave me.  There is something about it that is just a bit too familiar.

As I woke from this dream and went to Papa with it I began to see things that have been lost in my day to day living, while living the routine.  This calling of parenting is a one that you live and learn along the way.  We don't get an instruction manual that gives us 100 steps to raising successful children.  We live and learn, often by mistakes made.

I am seeing some mistakes made.  In my dream I was in an auto shop place waiting on my husband to call.  My kids were there with me, as well as some other kids.  I walked out the door and noticed a fire across the highway.  It ignited and in seconds was sweeping throughout the land.  It was a consuming fire, that in seconds ignited everything around it.  Was it coming towards us?  I told the children to stay put while I went to check it out.  On my way back to my children I got lost and couldn't find my way. The more I tried to find my way the more I was turned around and confused.  Frantic I was going from place to place asking directions to get back to my kids.  Finally I came upon one place that knew where I had left them and the woman gave me directions.  Then, I woke up from my dream.

With journal in hand I went to sit with Jesus.  I woke up with this feeling of abandoning my children, leaving them alone, and I realized that somewhere it was a reality, not physically, but emotionally.  For years my children needed me.  Every hour of the day from wake-up to bedtime was their's, except for naptime.  I was always on call.  Life demanded much with 5 kids in 10 years.  Would I ever get to the place where they didn't need me?  And then they started growing up and not needing so much.

Fast forward 10 years and you find me where I am today.  My oldest is 21 and overseas.  My youngest turns 11 this year.  Somewhere in the process of them moving into more independence

I have lost my way, not abandoning them physically but somewhat emotionally.  I haven't checked out, just gotten distracted in my own world.

As Papa has been pruning and restructuring me and my home I see that somewhere I got lost and distracted.  Life is so full of routines that I can find myself in robot mode, just going through the motions of the day.  In allowing my children to not need me I moved too far off the course.

It's never too late to go back.  A wrong turn is only a wrong turn when we don't go back and make the right turn.  So this dream has taken me back.   I want to be there present, involved and interested in the things that interest my children.  How easily the distractions have come.  How easy it is to get caught up in the things of this world that call out to me.

Today I heard Jesus ask me  if I was living in routine or with purpose.  I knew the answer.  Routine.  It's what life dishes out.  He told me something I'd never heard before.  "Routine is the "world's way", "Purpose is the Spirit's way".  The world lives in routine, while the Spirit lives in purpose. I asked Him how to find the way to living in purpose and He told me,  "It's quite simple." "Just do like I did." "Ask Papa each day what He has for you and go do that."

 As the woman knew the directions to get me back to where my children were in my dream, Papa knows the way to get me back in my reality.  My heart cries out to Him, take me back to that place, Papa. Turn my gaze into living a life of purpose, not routine.

I want to borrow a quote from Lori's blog, which is really a quote from Max Lucado's book, "Just Like Jesus".  "Thank you for the night's rest.  I belong to you today."

It really is as simple, as Jesus told me.  Waking up each day with the thoughts of belonging to Him, asking Him what He has for my day isn't difficult.  It's just making the choice and choosing the focus, fighting the distractions, that can be difficult.  

So what about you.  Jesus is asking.  "Are you living in routine or purpose?"

"Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."  Ephesians 5:15-17

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

Papa gave me a gift

Papa, gave me a gift today.  He allowed me to have an article in The Heart of the Matter online magazine for home schoolers.

Here is an exerpt from the article:

After spending time asking God what He wanted for her life, our oldest daughter came  and told us that she believed God wanted her to go to public high school.  She felt God was asking her to be a light in the darkness with her peers.  It was her petition that caused us to seek God’s heart regarding this request.  We had never considered anything but home school, so it was a challenge.  After several months in prayer  God came to us with release and peace.  She entered public  school in 10th grade and did beautifully.

      God often speaks to me through pictures, much like Jesus did with the parables.  He sears them in my mind, with a message of truth attached.  On one such occasion He used a picture with Hannah.  

      Hunched over from the weight of her backpack Hannah slowly walked up the driveway.  Upon entering the door she remarked at how heavy her backpack was, hurting her shoulders.  She asked me to  pick it up and feel how heavy it was, so I did.  I could barely lift it.  It was overflowing with every book she owned for school.  Did she really have that much homework?  No, she didn’t need all the books, in fact, most of them she didn’t need.  She hadn’t wanted to go to  her locker so she brought them home.  Had she made a quick trip to her locker her load would have been lighter.  She had carried more than she needed.

      In an instant God began to speak to me.  “Your days are like that backpack”.  “You have things in them that you don’t need, things I have not given to you.”  “Come to me with an empty backpack and let me fill it up with what you need each day.”  “When I leave it empty, you must leave it empty.”  “Those are the days I have given you to rest.”  “My grace is sufficient for the day.”  “If the grace is not sufficient, then I am not the one who has altered your load, you are.”  As usual when God speaks to me like that I am blown away.  

      A few months down the road God began to give me more pieces to add to the “backpack” picture................

To read the rest of the article, click on the link below, and look for the article titled "An Empty Backpack".

Heart of the Matter Online

Blessings,

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

Forgotten By God or Not?

I cannot remember how many times through the years I have felt forgotten by Papa. Over the years as I prayed for Him to come to our circumstances He didn't seem to come. I was left waiting. It didn't look like He was ever coming. Doubts rose up to the surface. I began to question my value to Him. There were even times I wondered if maybe I wasn't His. I knew the familiar verses: "Call out to me and I will answer you"; "Ask and it shall be given to you"; "The Father loves to give good gifts to His children". Many of these verses troubled me more than comforted me. I was asking, why wasn't He answering me?

I've never been very fond of waiting. I like to see what's happening or at least have some evidence that something is going to happen. But often with Papa, there are no evidences and often He leaves me waiting.

I know there are many in the scriptures who had the privilege of waiting on Papa. Hannah begged Papa for a son and waited for fulfillment. Joseph waited to be released from prison, David waited to be crowned king, somewhere around 18 years. Noah, Abraham & Sarah all waited. All were given promises, all were left waiting. At least I'm in good company.

In the study I'm doing, Jennifer Kennedy Dean talks of waiting on God. She says, "When it appears from earth that God is delaying, He is really putting the pieces together that you had not thought of. When God builds a waiting period into the course of your affairs, it means that what He is doing requires it. His apparent delays are loving, purposeful and deliberate."

Papa knows the plans He has for us. "In every situation in our lives He is engineering the circumstances so that His power and glory will be on display." He wants to do more than we can think or imagine, but often it requires a waiting period. If He had healed Lazarus, Mary & Martha would have seen Jesus heal a sickness. But in raising Him from the dead, many saw Jesus had power over death and many believed. Papa's ways are so much higher than we can imagine.

Jennifer says, "Even though it appears sometimes that prayer isn't working, the truth is God is acting in fulfilled time. The word fulfilled means: filled full. When the time is ripe, when all the pieces have been put in place, God's answer will be revealed. His concern is not time but timing. Everything has a ripe moment."

She gives the example of Moses. If you think of all the things that had to fall perfectly into place it causes you to revel in the awesomeness of Papa. It didn't just happen that Pharoah's daughter was bathing in the Nile at just the right time for Moses' basket to be nearby. Had he not cried when he did he would have stayed hidden in the bulrushes and not found a home in Pharoah's palace. He would have never been familiar with the Egyptian way of life. When all this was taking place only Papa knew that Moses would return to Egypt to deliver His people.

His ways are much higher.

It puts it all into perspective for me. So many times I have been waiting on Papa, thinking that He forgot me. All the while He has been putting things into place. He knows the plans He has for me. What I think is my best does not even come close to His best. He knows the plans.

It all comes back to trust, just like it always does. Do I trust in His higher ways?

Waiting will come again in my life. It's actually here now. May I wait this time with the knowledge that God is creating the best, setting the stage, putting things into place to reveal His kingdom here on earth in ALL my circumstances. It is the cry of my heart.

How about you? What are you waiting on? Papa is making His plans, getting all things ready in your life. After all, timing is everything.

Psalm 27: 13 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living

14 Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Jewelz

*Qutoes from Jennifer Kennedy Dean's book "Live a Praying Life"

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

Are You Engaged?

  Papa is good about taking the things in my day to day life and allowing them to speak to me of a magnificent truth.  I love that about Him.  Life doesn’t have to be complicated, hearing Him can be so simple, if I will but take the time to listen and observe.  Today He’s talking to me about my coffee warmer, which actually belongs to my husband.  It sits by my side of the bed most of the time, though.  I use it to keep my tea warm while I sit with Papa and contemplate life. 

       He reminds me of the day I went to take a sip of my “expectant” warmed tea to find it dreadfully cold.  Could it be that my precious mug warmer had seen it’s final day?  A quick assessment caused me to find that the plug was in the extension cord, but not fully engaged.  Though it looked plugged in, it had broken loose from the power.  A little jostling around with the prongs into the cord caused it to once again engage and begin to slowly warm my tea.

      I am amazed at what Papa shows me, at just the right moment, about this picture for my life.  How often am I hooked up to the power source, but not fully engaged?  To the outside it looks like everything is intact, yet life is lukewarm and sometimes dreadfully cold.  It feels like something inside has died.   Somehow I’ve become disengaged from the source of power, limiting it's affects in my life.

      How often do we go through life, plugged in but not engaged?  How easy it is to be tugged just enough to become disengaged and distracted from living life to the full.  How easy it is to unplug and just exist.  When life grows cold we wonder why.  We’re not even aware that we have disconnected, after all we are still attached to the cord. 

      Maybe we choose not to fully engage.  Maybe we like having a little control and self-preservation.  Maybe we hold back from being fully connected for fear of what it might cost us.  If we can just hold people at a level where the appearance is intimate, yet disengage just enough to be safe, then maybe it will be enough.  Maybe no one will notice.  It's not enough.  It leaves life dreadfully cold.  We were meant to be engaged fully in relationship with Papa and with others.  When we're not, life is not as it was meant to be.

      The source of life indwells us.  We house the seed of life, we are the temple, the dwelling of Christ, yet life can can seem so stagnant, empty, lifeless, and cold.  To bear the life of Christ we cannot just be hooked up, we have to be engaged.  Self-preservation keeps part of us withheld under our control.  He doesn’t want part of our hearts.  He wants it all.  He wants us to risk in love, to interlock fully, in order to find that life to the full that He promises us, with Himself and with others.

      Papa asks me, “Jewel, will you engage yourself, all of you, with me?” “Will you set aside all control, all self-protection, independence, performance  and need me?”  “Draw your power from me, not your capabilities.”  “Don’t hold anything back, Jewel.”  “I want it all.”  “It’s then my power will course through you.”  “It’s then you will be alive, fully alive.”  "It's then you will know love, complete, perfect love."  "If you hold back with others, Jewel, you'll rob them, you'll rob yourself and you'll rob me."  Life will never be full."  "Because I bear love through you to others and with others to you."  "There's no need for self-preservation, I've got you."  "Will you trust me to preserve you?"

      A simple cup warmer speaks Papa's heart to me.  He's speaking to you too.  Do you hear Him?  Look around you and consider, what's Papa asking you?

      9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

   10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

How do you see love?

I am an avid journaler. I love it when Papa speaks His heart to me. One day this week I drew away to talk to Him about love.

Honestly I found it difficult to approach Him, after all I had not responded well to a situation at home the day before. I found myself tenative and ashamed to sit with Him. I knew in my heart that He was not disappointed with me, but in my head I could just see the look of disappointment on His face. I found it difficult to believe He would want to talk to me. He proved me wrong.

Here's what He spoke to me:

"I always want to talk with you, Jewel. My love is not conditional. That means I am not loving you based on actions or mistakes. If you base my love and acceptance on actions and conditions, then it will always fail you. I do not welcome you because of your good behavior. I welcome you because you are mine. I'm not like people. I'm perfect and my love is perfect. I don't base my love on your mistake or successes. I always want you here with me. I am never disappointed with you, though I do hurt FOR you when you get caught up in the world, the flesh and the enemy's lies. You base my love on actions too. Don't base my love on what you see me doing or not doing. Base it on who I am."

It's true. He's right. I do base his love on conditional things, often. When I pray and He is silent I know in my heart that He never leaves me or forsakes me, but how quickly the feelings rise up that say, "does He care?" "Has He forgotten me?" "Do I matter to Him?" It's easy to do. After all we have never seen Him face to face. All that we choose is by faith. Jesus tells Thomas in the book of John that blessed are those who have not seen Him, yet believe. I wonder why we are more blessed. After all we have the battles with doubt and unbelief that those who saw didn't. They saw the evidences of His love. They could look in His eyes and see it, and more than that, they witnessed it up close and personal as He touched lives one at a time. It's hard living in the unseen faith. Could it be that they believed because they saw and we see because we believe?

It's so easy to base Papa's heart towards me on what He does or does not do. After all, we learn early on to look for the approval of those significant in our lives. But that's not true love. And that kind of love will always fail. When I base Papa's love on actions, whether mine or His, it cheapens love. It puts Him on a performance wheel with a grading system. You can't grade true love.

As I sat with Him He reminded me of the time one of my children told me that they did not feel important to me because of something I had not done. I was so frustrated when they said this. After all what about all the things I had done for them. Didn't they count for anything? I had given my life for them (to an extent). Was that nothing? A little more of His heart is revealed to me through my day to day life. It hurts when we put His love under conditions, just like it hurts me to hear my children looking at my actions and judging my love. Unfortunately it's more common that not with us followers of God.

We creatures of the earth are more familiar with conditional love than unconditional love. We look for proof. Blessed are those who have never seen, yet believe.

I left my time with Jesus that day asking Him to teach me how to live in the covenant of love with Him, allowing Him to cloak me with His embrace. He pledged His love for me and gave me His name. He loves me with an everlasting love, a love that never fails. It is unlike any love I have ever experienced or will experience. It's perfect and perfect love cannot be graded.

How about you? How do you see love?

" The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, "I have loved you with an everlasting love: Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness, Jeremiah 31:3

Jewelz

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd