Showing posts with label Christ in me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christ in me. Show all posts

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Puzzle in the hands of God©

I’ve always enjoyed a good puzzle. There’s something about watching the pieces come together to form it’s picture that gives you a sense of accomplishment. It’s rewarding to watch the segments fall into place.


A few years back I bought a 1,000 piece puzzle and brought it home for the children and I to work. As we dumped the pieces onto the table a daunting task lay before us. Could we put it all together? It became a contest to see who could put the most sections together. Mountains, fields of flowers, blue skies and clouds made up the scenery.


At the onset it was easy. We placed the edges together first setting up the exterior frame. Once the frame was in place the difficulty of matching up the rest of the pieces came into play. The greatest challenge was the solid blue sky and the field of flowers. We began to wonder if we would ever find the pieces that would fit. At times we wanted to give up. But there was something about seeing our puzzle’s completion that kept us persevering till the end.


Victory came the day the last piece was entered into the picture. Fields of flowers had been matched, mountain tops displayed, blue skies conquered. Every piece had found it’s place. It felt good, really good.


Life has felt a bit like that lately, since God started awakening my heart to my reality. I am a new creation. The old me has been crucified with Christ.


Sometimes I feel as if I am in between two worlds. Much is being restructured in my life as I walk away from trying to make the old me better. I’m learning to embrace that I am already made new. In these last few years I’ve come to understand that God is crazy about me, just as I am. It’s been quite the paradigm shift from the religious order of things.


Years of discrepancies had been pounded into my head. Old Covenant teachings had been mixed with New Covenant realities. The two don’t mix you know. One was fulfilled by the order of the other. No longer is my walk with God about what I do. It’s now about what has been done for me. No longer do I have to make who I was better. I get to start over and live in what’s already true about me. I am the completed Christ in Julie.


Sometimes the two worlds collide and I find myself wondering which way is the right way? What’s really true about me? I so desperately want to see myself in the new creation that God has made in me. Yet so often the old, programming finds it’s way in making things a bit confusing.


It’s then God reminds me of how perfectly He has cut each of the pieces that make up my life. He tells me that it’s not up to me to figure out what this crucified life looks like. It’s His to open the eyes of my understanding to reveal the truest things about me. He’s got each piece in His hands. His Spirit which dwells inside will make all things known.


I am taking baby steps into my reality. I am learning how to live all over again. For I am new. If it were not so, the Spirit of the living God could not dwell in me. But it is true, therefore He can and does. All that was required of me through the law is fulfilled. I am forever free from the shame that has blanketed my soul.


As far as the east is from the west are my sins and the sins of others removed from my life. No longer does my sin stand between God and me. Jesus now stands beside me with His arm wrapped around my shoulders. We now look at my sin together. He waits to show me a better way. He loves me into what has always been true.


I am being reconstructed, one piece at a time. The best news of all is that I no longer have to figure out where the segments fit. It is the work of His Spirit.


He who formed every piece is placing them one by one right where they belong. In the process He unveils the scenery that makes up my heart. Little by little I am becoming who I was always made to be. I am learning to live anew.

©copyrighted: Julie L. Todd; 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Confessions of a Child©

When I read about the disciples I don't feel so abnormal. They walked with Jesus for 3 years in the flesh, yet sometimes they were really clueless. One day they were debating who was the greatest among them. Jesus' response is classic. "Unless you become like a little child you cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven." His words take me back to the early years of my children.

My children wanted protection and guidance. They took my extended hand when it was offered.
They knew they didn't have all the answers. They were inquisitive. They wanted to be taught.

They didn't have their own provision. They came to us to be taken care of.

They didn't try to figure out their lives. They needed guidance to tell them where to go, what to do. They trusted the one who guided them.

When they were in pain, in need, in fear, afraid of the dark, they cried out. They were humble.

They weren't ashamed to come as they were to climb up my lap. They didn't question whether I wanted them near, they just came. They loved to be loved. They loved to love.

They wore no masks. They played no roles, they simply were who they were. They knew their place with me.

They believed. They trusted.

I see it so clearly now that I've lived it so wrongly. It's not just about salvation. It's about my identity. Unless I become like a child, I will never fully enter into the kingdom of Christ which now dwells in me.

At 23, I walked through the door of salvation, with the heart of a child. Immediately I began to live as an adult. I took care of myself. I didn't have a clue how to need. I leaned on my own understanding. The "shoulds" of the law captured my heart and life became about me and what I had to do to be right and pleasing to him. I began to try and sanctify myself by trying to make my "old man" better. I lived from the outside in.

I put on my masks to cover my shame. I played my roles, the ones that gave me some sense of value and fulfilled expectations. I protected myself. I trusted myself. Before I knew it I had forgotten what it looked like to enter in as a child. I quenched the very kingdom of heaven that made it's home in me, yet I didn't have a clue.

At 52 years of age, Jesus is bringing me back around. I am learning how to become a child again.

I continue to come back to this thought. Jesus said He had to leave in order for something better to come. He ascended into heaven. His Holy Spirit descended upon the earth. No longer would I have to experience Him from the outside, He would come to my inside. He would tell me who He knows me to be. He would teach me, counsel me, guide me into truth, leading me through the paths of life. After all He said He leads the blind on the unfamiliar path.

To inherit the kingdom is to live Christ in me. To live Christ in me, warrants the heart of a child that trusts out of a desire to be loved. He beckons me to come out from underneath my masks and be real before Him and others. He invites me to learn how to need again as He waits to take care of me.

Trust is the key that opens that door. Without it I will never believe. Jesus is the way, the truth, the life. He is the way that leads me into the truth that gives me life.

I'm coming back around now to where I once started. I'm learning to trust, really trust. I long to be loved. I long to give love. I have no resources of my own. I need and I need desperately. I have no role to play, no ministry to fulfill. I don't need them anymore. I am learning how to be who I am in the moments of each day with a Spirit who inhabits me.

He has made me new. I am learning what that looks like, living from the inside out with the One who knows the path of life. In this magical place I am rediscovering the kingdom of heaven, Christ in me, is the hope of glory.
©copyrighted: 2010; Julie L. Todd