Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Hidden Places of the Soul ©

It's been 2 months since I have written a post. I've ached for words to fill my mind and spill out onto the page, yet none have come. I have to admit I've wondered if the season of writing has moved on in my life. Though I don't know why anyone would want to read these musings of my heart, I love putting them down on the page. It's like walking into my garden and seeing a seed come to life.

The absence of words have been a result of this season I am walking in. Endurance has been a frequent visitor here where I dwell. I live in a broken world. Sin broke God's perfect order. I feel it as broken places are being made known.

As I try to put into words what is being experienced in my life I once again remember when my mother, sister and I cleaned out the attic in my grandmother's house. In order to find the treasures that lay hidden inside, the remains had to be sifted through. As we made our way through the layers of artifacts from years of life, there was much to be discarded. There was much that had no value.

So it has been with our little family. God has been shaking all that could be shakened so that only that which is lasting will remain, (Hebrews 12:). I have felt the shaking of the sieve that contains my life. Though I know the hands have been gentle as they have held me, the sifting has at times been vigorous. It's what has been needful to remove the affects sin has left on me and mine. Sins I have done; sins that have been done against me have left their messes. Lies about who I am have lain hidden in the crevices of my mind.

Hiddenness seems to be a safe place to be, yet it's not. For in the concealed places of the mind, the pain is there even though no one really knows. Hidden away hurts are never gone. It's only as I allow the Spirit of God to bring them into light that they can be exposed for what they are. It was made to happen best in the context of relationship.

It's much easier to hide than to let others know what's real inside of me. Shame blankets the mind convincing me that if anyone knew they'd run. It doesn't help that a few people who I've opened up to have appeared to run. It's hard to let people get close enough to see. It feels as if I'm standing out on a street corner naked while others stand there fully clothed gazing at me. What will they do with what I share? Is it safe to tell? When I share my life with someone and they withhold themselves I feel the stark nakedness.

Stepping out into the light, allowing another to know me, exposes the dark things hidden inside that continue to hold me captive. It exposes the voices in my head. It opens the doorway for love to have it's way. It gives another the opportunity to tell me what is real and true.

That is where David and I have been walking these last few months. We are stepping out of our hidden places into the light. We are exposing the dark places of our soul. We are risking, trusting that in the process we will be found. As a result we are finding a touch unlike any other.

Too many years of wearing our masks, trying to be who we thought we were supposed to be has kept us from the freedom to be who we really are. The guilt and shame of sin had told us a story that was far from true. Hidden away underneath all the rubble lies the beautiful identity bestowed on us. Slowly but surely the messes in our lives are being discarded and treasures are being found.

The Rescuer is coming for us, just as the team went for the miners of Chile. He knows we are hidden away and need to come out. So He drills down deep, one layer at a time, to find us. Some days the road feels arduous. Some days we want to give up. Some days we feel that we will never get out of this dark cave.

But just as the darkest hour of night is right before dawn so it is with the pitch black hours of the soul. At just the right moment a shaft in the mine opens, the Rescuer reaches down and brings me out to the brilliant light of a fresh new day. I am found.

What about you. Are you allowing yourself to come out of hiding to be known?

©copyrighted: 2010; Julie L. Todd


BARBIE said... Reply to comment

I love this! I am thankful that you are allowing God to bring you out of your dark places. He will never leave you nor forsake you. And may others be blessed and strengthened through the power of your testimony of all that God has done and is doing in your life and that of your husband. For God IS light and in HIM there is no darkness. Darkness and light cannot co-exist. He will guide you gently and others will love you through it. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Christina said... Reply to comment

wow julie. this has been so on time for me. i find that i am at a place in my life where i do feel somewhat hidden. i really was once an open book, but now find myself more closed than ever. and im still trying to find the person, besides God, who i can be open and vulnerable with. but thank you for sharing the risk and the joy that comes with nakedness. and i pray that one day, i will be able to reveal myself to someone one too.

God bless.

Amy said... Reply to comment


I'm so honored to be your friend and share this journey with you...

Love you!

Paula said... Reply to comment

Painful, but beautiful. I know He will be as gentle as He can but also do all that is necessary. You are dearly loved, Julie. His grace is sufficient.

Cindy said... Reply to comment

Julie, First of all, Welcome Back:)
I have missed you writings!
Second, A Question ~~~ Have you been living in my heart??
Oh, how much I wish you and I lived near each other...I just know God would allow us to be good friends who would be able to share, listen and speak truth.
Thank you for sharing your heart and the path you are on in this season of life!

Wanda said... Reply to comment

Julie, what a powerful post my sister. I can identify with much of what you've stated. It is for FREEDOM that Christ has sent you FREE. Look forward to reading more from you as you come into the light.

Carmen said... Reply to comment

Good post Julie! I've been short on words too, and like you have been going through some seasons. I believe it's for our growth and refining, but it doesn't make it any easier. Thanks for sharing your heart. It makes people realize that they're not the only ones.

Jo Princess Warrior said... Reply to comment

Oh Julie. I felt exactly like you do only 6 months ago. I was not ready to give up on Him, but I was ready to give on the local church. 'Unchurching' became very attractive to me.

I too felt like the people I shared my inner most thoughts left me feeling naked and exposed and ran in the other direction.

Only 3 months ago I dared to risk changing churches and going through the agony of making friends all over again. I relied on Him and trusted that this was the church He wanted our family to be a part of.

I am having to make 'calculated risks' all over again when it comes to establishing new friendships. It is like God has 'fast forwarded' some of my friendships and bonding and already the church feels like home. Many here operate in the 'room of grace' that is spoken of in 'Truefaced'. I still feel the faer of rejection from time to time.

I pray that as you look to Him, He surrounds you with people that will not run from you but embrace you. You are an amazing woman with an amazing heart. xo

{Please keep writing when the words come. Becasue when they do, they will bring healing not only to your own heart, but to many others on the same journey as you}

Melissa said... Reply to comment

Sweet friend, I have missed your writing and am glad you are back.

Breakthrough is beautiful. Praying with you and for you. He has you and will not let go.

Crown of Beauty said... Reply to comment

For over a year now I have made it a point to read every single post you write... and so I have been waiting for you to come back to blogland.

This is a deep post, dear Julie, and as always, so honest.

It is your honesty that attracts me to you - cause that is also how I want my friendships to be. Deep, and honest.

God is bringing you to a higher level, and sometimes, words do not come so easily when we are at a season like the one you are in.

Yet I never doubt that the Father knows what He is doing in your life, He's the one holding the sieve!

Believing with you...

sparrow girl said... Reply to comment

I have loved your words here and resonated with them. Thank you for sharing your honest words and thoughts. You are so brave to step out and take off the mask.

Thank you for your words which have ministered to me today..

Love, Sparrow

Laura said... Reply to comment

Oh, sweet Julie, I have missed you! I completely understand a season without words. It sounds like God is growing something wonderful in your marriage right now.

You bless me with your transparency. I will be praying you through your journey.

Love you, lady.

Tabitha said... Reply to comment

Words that needed to be read on this day.

Have A Truly Blessed Day!!

Karen said... Reply to comment

Profound as usual, my sister-friend...

This sentence made me shout...

"I am found."

You and your words have been sorely missed....

Amy said... Reply to comment

Julie, I am just coming out of a season like you described. Months and Months of feeling empty of words and the weights of life pressing so hard on me. I will be praying for you during this time. I pray God will give you what you need for today.

Vicki said... Reply to comment

What a beautiful rendering of your soul and spirit. I'm reminded of some quote, that God can touch nothing except to mold it into loveliness. I'm drawn to your heart and dependent on Him for both of us. Your post resonates with the deep places in my heart. That's why others read here as well, Julie.

I can do nothing but weep this afternoon. Oh, but this is good, and I thank you for it. Keep being real...and keep writing if you can.

Maybe I'll try to blog again.

Much love,