In the wilderness the facade is exposed for what it is. All that you have relied on no longer holds any value. Amidst the barrenness the oasis of God meets you and in the process you are changed.
You can ask anyone who knew me, I was not known for being still. It didn’t seem to be in my dna. As a child I couldn’t sit still for the life of me. As an adult stillness was not a place that I volunteered to go. As I entered into the wilderness the call became clear. “Be still and know me as God.” I didn’t have a clue what that meant.
Soon after I heard a woman speak of how she had asked God what He wanted to say to her about a particular subject. She mentioned how she waited and listened until He spoke. Truth is I’d never considered such a thing. Most often the times I spent with God focused on my telling Him what I was thinking or what I wanted or needed from Him.
After 22 years of walking with God I decided to give it a shot.
I so desperately wanted it to work, yet at the same time, I was so accustomed to getting into the mix of things. What if somehow I manipulated His words? It came down to this. Could I trust Him to overcome me?
At 44 years of age, blank notebook in hand, I stepped into uncharted territory. I asked, “Is there anything you would like to say to me?”
What happened next was ‘otherworldly’. God began to speak so fast that I struggled to write it all down. I had never experienced anything like it before. The words He spoke took my breath away. They were so tender, so intimate. I became aware of patient love. It’s the love that does not force, but waits until the recipient is ready to receive.
When I was ready to receive, I discovered He had much to tell me. It all began with receiving and receiving begins with trust. For the truth is, until I trust, I will never receive.
It’s easy to trust God with the big things in life, like keeping the earth rotating, but trusting Him with me was a whole other matter. What if He didn’t show up? What if He let me down? What if I couldn’t make it? There were many seeds of control planted in my life and the root of control is fear.
God began to expose what I feared. With each one He asked “will you trust me with this?” Until I released my grip on my life, His would never be realized.
He spoke to me often about trust. Would I trust Him with my life and the plans He had for me? Would I trust Him with my husband? Would I leave David to Him? And what about my children?
I’d spent many years trusting in myself. He wanted me to trust in who He was. He is unpredictable in what He does, yet consistent in who He is. It was time to learn that. To do so meant to step out in unknown waters, believing He would be there. Would I trust in what I knew about Him verses what I could or could not see Him doing?
As I learned to trust, the doorway of grace opened for me. It was there all along, I just couldn’t find my way in. As I found that perfect love, fear began to dissipate taking with it the need to control, releasing my hands to His.
In the stillness He came to restore His image to me. He began to teach me who He really was. It has changed my world forever.
The desert has been what He promised it would be. He has tenderly spoken words that have freed me to know Him as my One true love. They’ve revealed to me the heart of the One I’m learning to trust.
When I entered the wilderness I didn’t have a clue what it looked like to be still. I do now. In fact I’ve come to love this place called stillness. For it is the place where His voice has been loudest to my soul. It’s the place where He has become my God.
©copyrighted: 2010; Julie L. Todd
Next up: Part Eight: Walking Without Crutches
To read previous posts, click on link:
Part One: In The Beginning:
Part Two: My Fig Leaves:
Part Three: Lost In Translation:
Part Four: Let Freedom Ring:
Part Five: My Deliverer Is Coming:
Part Six: Alone In The Wilderness: