My "Something More"

      There’s something inside me that remains unsettled with life as it is.  It’s this place deep within that knows there’s something more; something more to this life, something more to me.  It often calls out to me with a yearning to know what’s on the horizon.  What is my future?

      It’s overwhelming to admit it.  But deep inside me there’s this place that feels left undone.  Like a novel that is part of the way written. A chapter at a time is surfacing, and yet something tells me there’s still more to come.  

      I see God building a story in me.  It’s His story.  I know some of the main characters, myself, my husband, my children.  Still some of the characters have yet to show up on the pages of my life.

      These last few years Papa God has been uncovering my heart.  It was buried in a pile underneath the rubble.  It reminds me of the pictures I saw of the aftermath of the World Trade Center.  Rescuers dug down into the rubble looking for life.  Some were found, many were not.  They wouldn’t leave the job undone.  All efforts were spent to rescue the lost.  It’s a picture of what He has done with my heart, what He desires to do with yours...

      So many lies have filtered into my life leaving me lost to who I am, who i was created to be.  His valiant efforts to recover and restore have been relentless.  As He pulls away the lies, He reveals the truth.  I am learning to embrace who I was always meant to be.  A love for myself is developing, which frees me to love others.  As He opens my eyes to see the ways I’ve been put together, giftings are unveiled.    And still there’s this spot inside that believes there’s more to come.

     The stirring inside me to move into that “something more” surfaces frequently.   Do I tell people where I am gifted?   Do I push to try and make something happen?   It’s hard not to try to push forward and “flesh” it out.  It’s hard to wait.  He keeps saying to me, “Jewel, like a doorman stands waiting to open the door, I AM.”  “Wait for the doors to open.”  “I’ll open every door that I want you to walk through.”  “Wait, Jewel, wait.”

     Another quote from “Anonymous” speaks to me....

     “Something in surrendering to hiddenness strengthened Jesus to not make a name for himself, to not be his own PR person.  Something in embracing that prolonged season of obscurity enabled Him to appear to be less in order to be able to do more.  Hidden years, when heeded, empower a soul to patiently trust God with their press releases.  All that waiting actually grants us the strength to wait a little longer and not rush God’s plans for our lives.”*** 

       Sometimes I feel like the butterfly who is cramped inside the cocoon, longing to break free and fly in all that I was created to do.  But often He says “Wait.  “It’s not time, the transformation is not complete.”  “In time, dear one, in time.”  “Be still, settle down, rest in Me.”

      As I settle more into His embrace, the waiting gets easier.  No longer do I have to make a name for myself to prove I have value.  I see that my value was settled before I ever entered this earth.  I am here because I have value.  I burrow down close to Him and rest, knowing He has my todays and my tomorrows.  For now, He wants me hidden with Him.  It’s a sweet place to be really, nestled in the embrace of the one who loves me perfectly.  There’s a stillness there that allows me to hear His heartbeat.  The sound of His heart beating soothes that place inside me pushing to hurry things along.  I find  that sweet peace that passeth all understanding as I wait.  It’s there I discover that HE is my something more.

      What about you?  How settled are you?  Is there someplace inside you wrestling to discover and move into something more.

Jewelz

***Quote from "Anonymous" by Alicia Britt Chole

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd