Thursday, September 18, 2008

My "Something More"

      There’s something inside me that remains unsettled with life as it is.  It’s this place deep within that knows there’s something more; something more to this life, something more to me.  It often calls out to me with a yearning to know what’s on the horizon.  What is my future?


      It’s overwhelming to admit it.  But deep inside me there’s this place that feels left undone.  Like a novel that is part of the way written. A chapter at a time is surfacing, and yet something tells me there’s still more to come.  


      I see God building a story in me.  It’s His story.  I know some of the main characters, myself, my husband, my children.  Still some of the characters have yet to show up on the pages of my life.


      These last few years Papa God has been uncovering my heart.  It was buried in a pile underneath the rubble.  It reminds me of the pictures I saw of the aftermath of the World Trade Center.  Rescuers dug down into the rubble looking for life.  Some were found, many were not.  They wouldn’t leave the job undone.  All efforts were spent to rescue the lost.  It’s a picture of what He has done with my heart, what He desires to do with yours...


      So many lies have filtered into my life leaving me lost to who I am, who i was created to be.  His valiant efforts to recover and restore have been relentless.  As He pulls away the lies, He reveals the truth.  I am learning to embrace who I was always meant to be.  A love for myself is developing, which frees me to love others.  As He opens my eyes to see the ways I’ve been put together, giftings are unveiled.    And still there’s this spot inside that believes there’s more to come.


     The stirring inside me to move into that “something more” surfaces frequently.   Do I tell people where I am gifted?   Do I push to try and make something happen?   It’s hard not to try to push forward and “flesh” it out.  It’s hard to wait.  He keeps saying to me, “Jewel, like a doorman stands waiting to open the door, I AM.”  “Wait for the doors to open.”  “I’ll open every door that I want you to walk through.”  “Wait, Jewel, wait.”


     Another quote from “Anonymous” speaks to me....

     “Something in surrendering to hiddenness strengthened Jesus to not make a name for himself, to not be his own PR person.  Something in embracing that prolonged season of obscurity enabled Him to appear to be less in order to be able to do more.  Hidden years, when heeded, empower a soul to patiently trust God with their press releases.  All that waiting actually grants us the strength to wait a little longer and not rush God’s plans for our lives.”*** 


       Sometimes I feel like the butterfly who is cramped inside the cocoon, longing to break free and fly in all that I was created to do.  But often He says “Wait.  “It’s not time, the transformation is not complete.”  “In time, dear one, in time.”  “Be still, settle down, rest in Me.”


      As I settle more into His embrace, the waiting gets easier.  No longer do I have to make a name for myself to prove I have value.  I see that my value was settled before I ever entered this earth.  I am here because I have value.  I burrow down close to Him and rest, knowing He has my todays and my tomorrows.  For now, He wants me hidden with Him.  It’s a sweet place to be really, nestled in the embrace of the one who loves me perfectly.  There’s a stillness there that allows me to hear His heartbeat.  The sound of His heart beating soothes that place inside me pushing to hurry things along.  I find  that sweet peace that passeth all understanding as I wait.  It’s there I discover that HE is my something more.


      What about you?  How settled are you?  Is there someplace inside you wrestling to discover and move into something more.


Jewelz


***Quote from "Anonymous" by Alicia Britt Chole

©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd

      

22 comments:

Cindy said... Reply to comment

Julie,

You write the words I feel so completely. My soul longs to belong but my spirit desires the contentment of time with my Lord.

Thank you for this post.
Cindy

Kimberly said... Reply to comment

This is me, this is me, this is me, Julie! It is like you looked straight into my heart and posted on what you saw. I have felt so restless recently. Feeling a call to more, asking Him if it is Him, wondering what now, what next. And yet He keeps speaking to me, as well, "Wait." I struggle with waiting. :) Yet I know there is such blessing, such purpose in the wait.

I WANT to be comfortable where I am. To rest in Him. To enjoy my time...just the two of us. To say that if this is all there ever is, this is enough, just relationship with my Father.

Thank you for posting on this, Julie. Thank you.

Kimberly said... Reply to comment

I forgot something! :) One of the pastors at my church last Sunday defined humility as "the God-given self-assurance that eliminates the need to prove to people who you are." There was more, but that part just struck me. How much time do I spend trying to prove who I am instead of just resting in who He tells me I am? If I could rest in that self-assurance, I could just wait on Him to do with my life as He wills.

Okay...I will stop flooding your inbox with my comments! :)
Love,
K :)

Joyful said... Reply to comment

Well Julie, I am echoing the words of Cindy and Kimberley. My heart is also identifying exactly with what you wrote here. It is powerful and the longing of my heart. It's like you are writing so profoundly my thoughts. It's a comfort and encouragement to know I'm not alone.

Blessings and thanks,
Joy

Anonymous said... Reply to comment

Julie,
I talked with Brenda via email over the last two days. She remembered me finding you via online. Then I couldn't remember where I found you. She reminded me of the family photo I saw and a light bulb went off..."oh yea, now I remember!" So I came searching for you this morning in my "FAVORITES" until I found you again. The words you have written are more timely than you can know. Although I can not say much there is someone who so needs to read your words today. A family who is hurting, mistakes made, and love that needs to encircle them. Someone tried to fill that hole you talked about with things of this world and it does all of us good to know that hole is the unquenchable desire for our DADDY. Nothing else. Just Him, The I AM.
Thank you.
I've missed seeing your sweet face on your blog.
IN HIM,
Julie
www.homeschoolblogger.com/juliestew

Laura said... Reply to comment

Precious Jewel,
You're waiting is our blessing. I am so glad that God brought you into my life. Your words have ministered to me more times than I can recall. You are so gifted. I love the way your waiting looks. Beautiful, my friend.

a woman found said... Reply to comment

Wow! You spoke my heart! As i read it i thought, "yeah, but i haven't waited. i have tried to push my own press-release." that pushing to make happen what only my Creator can make happen left me wounded and disillusioned. maybe like Abraham, watching his son Ishmael walk away into the desert. he must have felt, "why God!?"

But i realize that its foolish to pursue what cannot compare to what God will do. And i realize though i have caused pain and difficulty with my own "Ishmael" my perfect Abba will still do that which He has always purposed to do in me.

You are so wise to wait! Wait on the Lord and He will strengthen your heart!

Thank you so much for posting this!
Sheila

Tiffany Stuart said... Reply to comment

"It’s there I discover that HE is my something more."

This sentence landed this post beautifully. This is the desire of my heart. I can push for "something more" and believe me, I have, but truly I find my something more IN Him. The ache of my heart is for Him I just don't realize it sometimes. But when I rest and wait and listen, I become filled and satisfied with Him. Then I ache for another "something more." I long to share His love with the whole world. I long to fly free like the butterfly and be who He has made me to be.

Julie, you already are that butterfly. I don't see rumble, I see beauty. Christ's beauty. Fly free, my friend, fly!

Amy said... Reply to comment

Julie,

After reading your beautiful words, I am reminded of the way the Lord allowed our paths to cross a few years ago. I am in awe of how your heart's journey is so similar to mine. My heart is right where yours is - waiting for His plans to unveil, resting in His sweet embrace. You couldn't have said it better..."He is my something more."

I praise God for your life and for the gift of your friendship.

Love you!
Amy

~j~ said... Reply to comment

and all HE asks is for us to be still and know that HE is God...
great,great post sweet friend!
Thanks as always for sharing the parts of your heart that always speak to ours!
xo
j

Michelle Bentham said... Reply to comment

Oh Julie...

You write what so many of us feel with such eloquence, and such grace. God is so speaking through you sister friend.

All I can say is as often as I have felt it... I'm learning to live in His fullness which is far more satisfying than anything I could live out on my own.

Blessings.

Kristen said... Reply to comment

Wow. You've furthered convinced me to get Anonymous and start reading!

Waiting and I? Oh. We have such a troublesome relationship. lol. ; )

Lelia Chealey said... Reply to comment

I loved it all, but this really popped out to me:
I burrow down close to Him and rest, knowing He has my todays and my tomorrows.

That is such a comforting truth. I'm going to have to write your words down and put it on my desk.
You're such a blessing Julie!
Blessings,
Lelia

Rachel said... Reply to comment

Julie

Wow this was beautiful. This is the second time that I have come to your blog to comment on one of your HOTM posts (because I am always behind, but this time two hurricanes aided my "behindness") and found a different post that so clearly spoke to me. My Heavenly Father, your Papa, is using you in such an awesome way to speak to His girls!

As for the Unique Shadow post -- that was beautiful, too! I loved the imagery!!!

Thank you for starting my morning so wonderfully!

Love in Christ
Rachel

Laura said... Reply to comment

Hello, my friend! Thank you for your sweet comments on the Wellblog! I wanted to let you know that I have finally gotten my little hands on Anonymous and plan to start reading soon. I have to finish up a few other projects first, because I want to devote my whole heart to it! From the excerpts you have shared, I can tell it is really something special. Can't wait to "talk" about it with you!

Irritable Mother said... Reply to comment

"I burrow down close to him and rest, knowing he has my todays and my tomorrows."
Ahhhh, that sounds lovely!
And, yes, HE is our something more. When we realize God is all we need, we have come to a very good place.

Cindy said... Reply to comment

Hey Julie,
In reference to your visit to my blog. Yes, you are correct my Big Day is 10/24.
It's funny, I too have decided to allow my natural hair color become my crown. I quit coloring in ?March?. It is about half grown out and nobody is the wiser ~ God has such a way of being 'gentle'.
I decided 2 months ago that I was going to embrace the new 'age' and have been doing a count up to the big day. Doing things that I have only dreamed of before. It has been a blast.
We should have 'coffee' together via blogland as the 24/25 of October arrive.
Be blessed, Cindy

QuilLight said... Reply to comment

I haven't started reading yet, but I can't wait. I am so glad that you stumbled on my blog. LOVE YOU!!!!

quill aka deb

Amy said... Reply to comment

Julie, This post is absolutely beautiful. How I long to snuggle close to Him and let Him teach me. We live in a "I want it now!" society. I don't see much patience in the world. I find that when I draw near to Him I am overwhelmed by Him and He gives to me all I need. Waiting with God is so much better. Blessings to you today.

Gretchen said... Reply to comment

Man, Julie. You hit the nail on the head for me, once again. Thank You Jesus for talking to me and giving me rest in this wonderful woman's blog. In your precious name. Amen.

You're the best. (((hugs)))

Tracy said... Reply to comment

Hi Julie,
I'm going to print off your last couple of posts for reading on my bus ride home today...I'm behind!

Blessings & happy Monday!
Tracy

P.S. I've tagged you on my blog. Stop by when you have a moment...

Laura said... Reply to comment

Hey, Julie!
I finally have started the book and am loving it! We fly out to NYC tomorrow and I plan to get some reading done on the flight. Pray for me! I'm a little nervous traveling.
Love to you!