Something I've discovered is that God often gives me glimpses into His heart through my own frustrations. Take for instance when a teenage daughter blames you for the anger in her heart. After all it's your fault that she feels the way she does. Somehow, somewhere you didn't do something....at least that's what she says. The words come flying out, "you don't care about me!" How could she think you don't care? You've spent years giving all you had to give for her, doesn't that count for something? The thing is in that moment of her life she is struggling to know that you care. Have you changed the way you feel about her? No, it's not you who has changed, it is what she is hearing and believing, something coming from inside her.
How often have I played that game with God? Circumstances come that bear down on us and I can hardly hold my head up. Where is God anyways? And how could He possibly care about me at that moment? The questions and doubts rise up and hit hard. Maybe He doesn't care about me. Maybe His absence in these circumstances is proof. Did God change? No, He is the same. He never changes. He has been there all of my life and before that even, caring for me.
Does He care? Is there some place that He has proven that He cares? Is there some word, some truth that I can call to mind? Does the cross mean anything? How many times does God have to prove to me that He cares? There is no greater sacrifice than Christ laying down His life for me. So, why do I accuse Him? Because I don't know inside myself that I am worth caring for. It's not about God. He is blameless. It's about ME.
Then it hits me, what I am doing with God is what my daughter does with me. It takes me to that place of never wanting to accuse Him again. If my heart is good towards my daughter ALWAYS, then there is not doubt that His heart is good towards me. It's not His heart that is in question. It is my beliefs...those lies buried underneath the surface that have been hidden, tucked away in a dark place.
Today one of my daughters came to me to talk to me of her own frustrations. She's made some bad decisions in her life that affected her. She's learned alot from them. Now younger girls are coming to her to talk and seek counsel. She warns them of the problems. After all she learned the hard way. She didn't listen to the warnings. They aren't listening. She's frustrated that they don't listen, yet she identifies that neither did she. We sat and talked awhile. God showed up. I told her that often during these times you can get a greater glimpse of God's heart. Could she get an idea of how God feels by what she is feeling? Does she see that He tries to warn people, but they don't listen? What does it do to His heart as He watches us make those choices that He knows will hurt us, ignoring the warnings? What are the treasures of God hidden in the dark places of this frustration?
She contemplates for a few minutes and then it hits her. God feels the same way she does. Her heart connects into that place of understanding and communion with God and the treasures begin to unfold for her.
Glimpses of God's heart in the midst of the darkness are riches stored in the secret places.
"I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:3
©copyrighed 2008 by Julie L. Todd