Friday, April 24, 2009

Keep The Picture

    How does life get so out of balance?  What happens that brings it to this place?  I’m walking along the path I know when suddenly something seems amiss.   I thought I was following Him.  Did I get off on my own path?  

      I see a destination, a place I know He is asking me to go.  I start out needing Him.  I don’t know how to get to there.  I’m clueless at what this road looks like.  I look to Him, moment by moment.  But somewhere along the way I become comfortable in what I “know” to do.  Things go south, quickly.  “What’s going on here, Jesus?”  “How did I get here?”

      “Balance, Jewel, balance.”

      “Is that a word even in my vocabulary?”

      “Yes, but you’ve looked to the wrong source.”  “I am the Balancer.” “You get a revelation on something.”  “You start out realizing that you have no clue what to do so you come to me.”  “But when it all starts to click you begin to lean on your own understanding.”

      I lived a self-reliant life for too many years.  The roots emerge from time to time from the seeds sown in my life.  Each time it devastates me. How did I get back here again?  Will I ever really learn and understand dependence? 

     “Jesus, how did You live a life that was totally dependent on Your Abba?”  

     I knew the work was in Abba.”  “Without Him directing my every step it would become about Me.” “I left the picture with Him.”

     “I was a man, Jewel, just like you.  I knew I didn’t have the picture.  I knew I must follow.”

      “But I start there, Jesus.  I think that I’m there.  I believe that I am following you.  How does it get turned around?”

      “You’re still trying to be the best at what you do.  You want so desperately to learn that you forget to wait, to seek, to knock.”

      “Remember the picture of the oxen I gave you?”  “Remember what you read?”  “A young inexperienced ox was was yoked with an experienced ox.”  “The experienced ox would keep the young ox from going his own way.”

     “You’ve not been fully yoked to me, Jewel.”  “The only way you will live a reliant life on Abba is if you are yoked to Me, fully yoked.”  “You can’t come and go once things start working.”  “All things must be done under that yoke.”  “I am the experienced ox that will keep you from going your own way.”

      I so desperately want to get this.  I feel the weight of it all.  I feel the emptiness of self-reliance.  I see the cost it brings to me and others in my life.  Expectations become the reality.


      “But for the grace of Abba, Jewel, you will go there.”  “Your very life is dependent on Him coming through for you in every situation.”  “He knew you would never be able to come through.”  “He made a way for you.”

      For once I have no picture.  I like having pictures.  I often ask Papa God to give me them so I can see clearly.   If I can see it, then I can “get it”.  I see now, the picture has become my demise.    

     He leads the blind along the unfamiliar paths.  He speaks to them, do not turn to the right or the left.  Here’s the way, walk in it.     

      Left to myself I know I will move towards the path of finding my way.  It’s a “too familiar” path.  It will awaken my flesh and my flesh will always bring death.  It is a necessity of my life to be led by Him alone.   I don’t want to figure it out anymore.  It’s too costly.

      As Jesus speaks to me my prayer changes.    I only want to see You.   I trust You with the picture.  You will be my eyes.  Your arms will steady me, Your feet will direct me.  Keep the picture Papa.  For my sake, keep the picture.”

     Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6  

©copyrighted:  2009  Julie L. Todd


Shanda said... Reply to comment

As I was holding my littlest this afternoon, I wondered these similar thoughts. How did I wonder off? Wasn't I on the right path?

Your post is a confirmation to what the Lord gave me. Dependence is relying on Him alone, not just when I am unsure, but ALWAYS! I get lost in thinking I've got it figured out. One day at a time, one moment at a time. What a challenge! But I'm up for it!

Thanks for the encouragement today, Julie.

Karen said... Reply to comment

This was so very good! Such simple truths that make such a profound difference...I especially liked your last prayer..." I only want to see You. I trust You with the picture. You will be my eyes. Your arms will steady me, Your feet will direct me. Keep the picture Papa. For my sake, keep the picture.”Amen!!

Sita said... Reply to comment

My whole journey of faith is learning this...wonderfully put..
Blessings, Sita

Angie said... Reply to comment

He is good. He is always here---for His children...who He loves.

This was a blessing....I needed it tonight before going to bed. He knows I'm tired. My strength comes from HIM alone!

Amy said... Reply to comment


Tears are rolling down my cheeks after reading this.

I had to stop and weep when I got to these words: “Your very life is dependent on Him coming through for you in every situation.” I can't even write the words without weeping again. That one sentence sums up what God has been doing in my life. It's an amazing thing to be living out, walking this path with Jesus--growing more dependent on God each day.

The job losses, the heartaches, the bad relationships, the rejection have all been part of God's plan to bring me to a place of trust and infant-like dependence. I know I'll never fully be there, but I am getting it better than ever: My father, "El Shaddai" is everything I need. He is the all-sufficient One.

Thanks, Julie! Your writing has blessed me again!

Love you,

Crown of Beauty said... Reply to comment

Hi Julie,
Dependence sums up what a life of faith is all about. How great is our God that He never wants His children to be led astray... and He keeps calling us back to the right path!

Theresa said... Reply to comment

Very Beautifully put!!! Thank you for putting this out here for us.

Gretchen said... Reply to comment

I think you're more on track in keeping the picture than you give yourself credit for. However, God, in His goodness surely does serve up good reminders through you for us all. Blessings, sweet friend.

Tracy said... Reply to comment

Beautifully shared, sweet one. One of the greatest struggles of my Christian walk. I take great comfort from the passage you shared...when I allow Him...his voice tells me where next to go on the path. If I, like you can only learn to keep listening for that voice and not begin following my own way. Awesome thoughts to ponder my friend...thank you!


Laura said... Reply to comment

It seems I too must learn this lesson over and over, my sweet friend. It is funny, given your words, but this post gives me a picture! He's there, beside me, yoked forever. He's there, behind, directing my steps.

I haven't been around much lately...

Miss "hanging out" here!

Love you.


LisaShaw said... Reply to comment

Oh precious Julie once again I am fed when I visited and tonight I needed to hear and receive. I so love and appreciate our GOD and the ways He shows himself through you!

Love you.

Tea With Tiffany said... Reply to comment

You are precious in HIS sight all the time.

I love you.

Beautiful Grace said... Reply to comment

Fully, completely, whole-heartedly dependant upon only One, that too, is my heart's cry!

Dear Julie, your thoughts are beautiful. Thank you for sharing them! Also, thank you for introducing yourself and for visiting Beautiful Grace.

May Jesus open your senses, so that you may Love Him more. In Jesus'name, AMEN!!!

Billy Coffey said... Reply to comment

This post truly convicted me. So often I think I'm headed in the right direction, only to find that I've turned myself around. Thankfully, He always comes to find me.

Loved this. LOVED it.

Gail W. said... Reply to comment

In me, self-reliance has been a lifelong temptation. Society tells us, "God helps those who help themselves." Pulling one's self "up by the bootstraps" is a highly valued fete. Thanks for the reminder of how far afield we go - I expect to struggle with this until the day I am made to be like Him. In His grace and mercy, I'm not where I used to be!

Kellie said... Reply to comment

Jewelz - How beautiful to see how your heart so speaks His heart that it touches so many. He touched me also in you today. Thanks!

Carmen Gamble said... Reply to comment

You have a wonderful way of writing. It captures the reader in a way that makes it part of their own vocabulary. You know what I mean? It's as if we're talking ourselves and the Lord is answering. It makes it so real. Thanks for a beautiful truth and a lovely piece!

Carmen Gamble said... Reply to comment

BTW..there's someone that comments in Chinese who supports and argues for reincarnation on our blog comments. Just FYI!

Sharon said... Reply to comment

Greattttt Post!!!! Yep he is always there he will never leave us nor forsake us.

Happy Mothers Day :)

Tea With Tiffany said... Reply to comment

Have a wonderful weekend. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I love you.

Katie said... Reply to comment

I followed Lidj's blog to find yours...and I really loved this post. God has been speaking similar things to me for the last two years, but I sense that this year is the year I will actually LEARN this! Hopefully, at least.

Be blessed!

(And I'm going to subscribe to your blog and follow along.)