Being Loved, Just Because

Every sermon I’ve heard about Martha refers to her inability to stop working. She’s considered a busy woman too preoccupied with distractions to sit and be with Jesus. Personally, I see more truths buried in this story, maybe because I see myself.

I see in Martha's behavior a picture of my own attempts to please God. Life was about working hard to make everything just right. I wanted so desperately to prove my devotion. I was uncomfortable just being with Him. There was too much shame that covered my soul.

In the midst of growing up in the church I was taught that what I did made a difference. If I had my quiet times, prayed my prayer lists, volunteered for ministries, gave my tithe, I would be giving my life back to God. It’s what was required if I wanted to prove I loved Him.

I thrived on my efforts for God. Somehow it made me have value to Him and His kingdom. I missed the point of the relationship, the cross, the resurrection and my life. God didn’t bring me here to work for Him or fulfill requirements. He brought me here to love me, just because.

I diminish the work of the cross when I put myself in a position of “have to’s”. The cross restored the broken relationship with God and the resurrection brought me new life. I have nothing left to prove. I don’t owe anything. I have nothing to pay back. If I try to pay back the gift of relationship and love, I diminish the purpose of the cross and the resurrection. The cross finished the work, removing the “have to’s, bridging the gap so that I might experience deep, intimate love without requirements.

I believe Martha loved God with all of her being, could it be that she just didn't know how to rest in who she was apart from what she did? I don’t think that Martha preferred being busy with preparations. I wonder if she thought it’s what was needed from her. Because of my own life experience, I believe Martha was loving Him in the only way she knew.

Underneath the busy woman is a woman who isn’t comfortable being loved as she is. She’s not even comfortable being alone with herself. She’s the woman who volunteers for everything at the church, is the most disciplined woman in her Bible study and quiet times and is busy dabbling in all sorts of places. When she misses her quiet time she feels guilty. She strives for perfection in her relationship with God, because she sees her imperfection and is uncomfortable with who she is before Him. She doesn’t feel like she’s enough. Therefore, she’s still trying to earn.

I know, I was that woman. Underneath the work was a woman longing to be enough to be worthy of love, and somehow be found pleasing. All along I was pleasing to Him. All along He saw me just as I was and loved me still. He loved me, because love is His nature. It’s not about what I do, it’s about who He is.

I don’t see Jesus’ words to Martha as a rebuke. That doesn’t fit His heart. I see His words as affirmation and invitation. I hear Him say, “Martha, I see all that you are doing to please me, but all I want is you.” “I want you to know how deeply and intimately I love you, just because.”

He says to you, to me and to Martha, “stop your efforts, be still, come let me love you, just as you are” “I am delighted with you.” “Nothing you do will make me love you more.” “You can cease from your work and rest in mine.” “You already please me, just because.”

Jewelz
Also posted at Internet Cafe' Devotions

©copyrighed 2008 by Julie L. Todd

Today I am thankful

   My friend Tiffany asked me if I had ever posted for "Thankful Thursdays".  I said, "No".  She said, "why not"?  I didn't know why not.  I didn't have an answer.  So here I am.

   Last night as our small group met I couldn't help but be thankful for so many things.  We are reading a great book together; "He Loves Me" by Wayne Jacobsen.  In the chapter we were on last night, the first two pages describe a woman who is the busiest woman in the church.  It's out of her desire to be loved that she works so hard. She's not comfortable in her own skin so she works to gain approval, value and love.  That was ME.  

     As we talked about the chapter I realized how much things had changed.  My heart overflowed with gratefulness that Papa God had come after me to love me away from my work.  He had relentlessly pursued me.  He loved me so intimately that He refused to leave me striving in my own ability to gain love.    So He came after me. 

     It didn't come easy.  There was much strain and struggle to live free.  After all those things were what had given me value.  There were years of performance and striving attached to me.  To let them go, at times, felt like having an appendage amputated.    But in His mercy and grace, He gently cut them off, one by one.  And now I am free.  Free to bask in His finished work.  Free to realize that I am crucified and no longer live.  He lives in me.

     I am resting, now and it is the most satisfying place that I have ever known.   It is truly the sweetest freedom my heart has ever experienced.  

     He loves me so deeply, so intimately, so personally without my doing a thing.  Amazing.

    Thank you Papa God for setting my heart free.

    Thank you for your relentless pursuit to love me.

    Thank you for your perfect love that perfects my imperfections.

    Thank you for seeing me as I am and loving me until I see it.

    Thank you that He who the Son sets free is free indeed.

    Thank you for setting my marriage free.

    Thank you for the beauty that surrounds me.

    YOU are awesome!

    "The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release for the prisoners."  Isaiah 61:1

Please pray for my girls

UPDATE:  I wanted to tell you about my other daughter's plans.  She too is planning a missions trip overseas.  She leaves Sept. 1st for 3 weeks.  She is going to Asia to help some friends of ours in their small church plant.   Though she does not have a blog where you can read the support letter she sent out, would you please pray for her when you read this.  Please pray for God's provision and safety to cover her.  It will be her first flight and a 14 hour one at that with a layover.  Thank you for praying for my Courtney.

My daughter Hannah has heard God's call to missions and plans on returning to staff the YWAM base in England for the next 1-2 years. For those who don't know, she just returned from attending the Discipleship Training School (DTS) there. You can read about it here: As a staff member she will help train up and disciple young adults who come to attend the school. She will also be involved in taking them on outreach trips to other countries.

She is in the process of sending out letters to raise the $500 monthly support needed. They would like to have her there in September as they need her to staff the team coming in. Time is short. But Papa God knows....

If you don't know much about YWAM DTS, you can read about it on her blog: Abandoned For Him Please pray for Papa God's encouragement to shower down on her as she waits for His provision to come. Also if you feel so led, stop by her blog and encourage her.

As you can see both of my girls will be leaving one right after the other.  I will be back around that time to ask for your prayers for me.  It's going to be an emotional thing to put both of my girls on flights overseas within days of each other.  Thank you for your love and prayers!  They are felt.

His Relentless Pursuit

  Have you ever feared you would miss God’s voice, or worse, His will?   What if somehow He calls me and I don’t hear Him?   It was one of my greatest fears until God gave me a new perspective.

     A few years back we were in the midst of what I call the “season of the jobs”.  My husband ended up having 6 jobs in 4 years, all of them paid thousands less than our living expenses.  Life was pretty hard and there were times when we desperately needed rescue.  We started to wonder if somehow we had missed His voice, or worse, refused to listen.  I considered how finite I was.  What if I didn’t hear Him when He called?  This fear often plaqued me during those days, consuming my mind.  On one such day, God decided to give me a new picture, a revelation of His heart that would release me.

     My husband and I were sitting downstairs at the desk looking things up on the computer when my oldest son came down and headed outside.  My husband had instructions to give him before he went out to play so he called out his name.  My son who was in his own world, continued on his quest unaware of his dad’s voice.  My husband called again, this time louder.  Again my son didn’t hear.   David then got up and headed towards the door to call him for the third time.  But Josiah still did not respond.  He went a step further and followed him outside, calling his name until he acknowledged him.  He did not intend to give up until his son heard him.  Finally, Josiah turned his face towards David and was given the message his dad had been waiting to give him.

     It was in that moment God’s words restored my picture. “Did you see that Jewel?”  Yes, Papa.  “Jewel, just like David went after Josiah to make sure he heard his voice, I will come after you.”  “I will not leave you until you hear my voice.”  “I will follow you out to where you are if need be to make sure you know which way to go.”  “Don’t fear, dear one.”  “I will come for you.”

  

     It’s one of those moments that digs in and takes root.  God had unveiled a revelatory picture for my heart.  Today as I write this 6 years later I can still see it.

     I don’t have to fear that I will miss His voice.  He knows I want to follow Him.  He looks on my heart and reads my thoughts.  He will run after me to make sure I know what He wants me to know.  It is He who pursues me.  He will relentlessly pursue me to make Himself known.  Just as no good parent will send their child out without what they need to know, neither will my God. 

 

      It’s not up to me to make sure I hear His voice.  It’s up to me to listen and answer when He calls.  He says, “seek me and you will find me.”  It is He who finds me and brings me to Himself.  So often I make things in this walk with Him about me and my responsibilities when He makes it about Him and His pursuit of me.  He calls unto me, I respond to His call.  

     No amount of fretting will give me His will.  His will is already in me waiting to be revealed by Him.  As I have been crucified with Christ, I have become the dwelling place of God, therefore His will is now indwelling me.    His Spirit lives to bring revelation to me.  It’s then I get to choose to follow or not.  It is not my ability to find the path that brings it forth.  It is the Spirit’s revealing that makes it known.  He waits to reveal what is already placed inside me.

     He will come after me until I hear His voice.  I felt the chains of fear fall off as He spoke to me.  It’s not up to me.  He’s got it all and He won’t let me miss Him.  I can rest.  It is His work.  I am His child.  He will hunt me down until I hear His voice.  His sweet peace becomes my reality.

     I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them.   Isaiah 42:16a

    You have made known to me the path of life;  Psalm 16:11

 This is also posted at:Heart of the Matter

©copyrighed 2008 by Julie L. Todd

I have to share this post with you

My heart is full to overflowing as I read this blog:  Abandoned for Him.

This is my daughter.

She sees what I could not see at her age, or for most of my life.  She's sees His heart.

Do me a favor and go show my girl some love...in the process see His heart in her words.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth  3 John 1:4

Jewelz

The Message of the Words

How often have you considered what your child really hears? It wasn’t until God began my healing that I realized how much had been distorted in me. It wasn’t necessarily what a person said, it was what I interpreted their words to mean. As I became aware of things I had believed about myself through another’s words, I had to face the reality that my children had heard things through my words. So many years had passed in my child-raising. Was there any way things could be redeemed? How could I go back and speak truth into those places? I know with God it’s never too late for redemption, but how do I go back?

One day God gave me a front row seat to His never-ending desire to heal and restore. My 2nd daughter was struggling when she came into my room. Being my child who internalizes, it wasn’t evident what was really going on, so I started asking questions. She blurted out. “I’m sorry I’ve always caused you so much pain.” Having just finished an intense time of healing I knew God was extending an invitation to be involved in a rescue.

I began to question her to find out why she would say such a thing. She said “I was the one who brought you so much pain in childbirth”. Aha, the lie is revealed. She had heard me talk to women, as most of us do, about my child births. She had heard me say that she was my longest, most painful one. But what her mind processed was “I’m the one who caused my mom the most pain.” “I hurt my mom.” “It’s my fault.”

I held her in my arms as she wept. I began to soak her with the truth. “Oh sweetheart, you didn’t cause me pain.” “It wasn’t your fault.” “It was MY body that would not cooperate.” “You tried to get here, but my body wouldn’t let you.” “It’s not your fault.” ” As she held onto me I told her of how desperately I had wanted to hold her in my arms. I told her how greatly she was loved and longed for. A moment of healing came as the truth set her free.

Our words have an effect, whether we realize it or not. Words like “you’re driving me crazy” are interpreted “I drive my mom crazy.” “I’m a problem”. It’s not the child that’s driving you crazy, it’s their behavior. But the child thinks it’s them.

Children hear things through a child’s mind. They can’t reason it out through the mind of an adult. Whatever their minds process is what they end up believing. I know, I was one of those children.

I have hurt my children, because I have not considered what they might be hearing through my words. Sometimes I wonder if it can ever all be recovered. And then I remember: I will restore the years the locust have eaten," says the Lord (Joel 2:25).

Most heartache and brokenness come through family life. Words get distorted. Things are heard that are not meant. Children get hurt. I’ve heard enough stories to verify that. Listen through the ears of a child. Be careful what you speak. There is one who prowls around seeking to distort what you say to steal, kill and destroy. Don’t allow him to use your words.

I am thankful that it’s never too late. His grace covers everything, even my words. Instead of condemning me, He invites me to be a vessel of healing. I believe in the God who heals. I know, He came for me. What about you? What’s behind your words?

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

©copyright 2008 Julie L. Todd

Becoming Me's Blog Mission's Tour

Becoming Me's Blog Missions Tour:

     Why do I blog?  It is my place to share the treasures in my heart.  I have heard Papa God calling me to write for some time.  I have run from the calling due to discouragement and feelings of inadequacy.  Yet the desire is so deep to express all that He has revealed to me that I can no longer run.  My desire in blogging is to share the revelations of God to my heart.   I spent many years living a religious life that left me weary and worn down.  Papa has invited me into the joy of living in His sweet embrace, experiencing a love that is not earned but freely given.  As I grow in this intimacy with Him, I want to share the beauty of His deep, intimate heart of love.

    That is why I blog.  As you stop by my blog, may you see His heart calling out to YOU, to enter in, cease from your own efforts and find rest in His embrace.

   Jewelz