As we sat in the great room of the beautiful mountain cabin we noticed a wasp gliding on the window trying to find warmth. The change of weather has really thrown things out of kilter here in the South. One day you are having 70 degree weather and the next a storm front hits, bringing the temperatures back down to normal for this time of year. It's throwing everything into a tizzy, including the wasps. The warmth was just enough to stir them out of their nests, the cold that followed numbed them sending them into confusion, and immobilization. One after another found it's way into the cabin, landing on the furniture doors and windows, moving slowly about. Drawn to the windows and doors you knew they could see where they were supposed to be, yet couldn't find the release from their captivity. Being highly allergic to wasps, the only solution my husband had was to kill them. Since the cold had numbed them they didn't fly too quickly. It was easy to take them out with one swat of a shoe.
I couldn't help but see the lessons to be gained from the wasp. It applies so much to our lives today in this busy world that we live in. We are awakened to the warmth of life, inviting us to live in relationship with God, with others. But once we are out of the nests the "cold", the world's distractions, hit us numbing us and sending us into confusion and immobilization. Do you find yourself at the end of the weekend or even the end of the day feeling empty, sometimes? Maybe it's just me. But here in this household we easily find the things of the world that numb you from moving into what really brings life.
Isn't it easier to turn on a movie and sit in a room together instead of engage in meaningful conversation. When you've had a long week, don't you just want to curl up in your pj's on the couch and go numb all weekend? Sometimes we need those times of disengaging, but how much is too much? Deep down inside, does something seem to be missing? It's so easy for me to find myself escaping in the computer world. It's easier to find relationships online than it is to find them in my own neighborhood. Some of that is reality. But how much of it is choice? How many Friday nights am I inviting someone into my home to play games, or have a cup of coffee?
Why is it that life seems to zap us like the cold does the wasps? Why does life seem to leave less than what we desire? If God said He came to give us life to the full, then why does it often feel so empty? Why do our "worlds" seem to manage us instead of us "managing" our worlds? How well am I ruling and reigning over my domain? It is what God told Adam and Eve to do before sin entered the world. Once sin entered, it seems everything went into a crazy, chaotic battle. Doesn't life feel that way sometimes? Do you just feel like you have to battle to move one step forward into relationship and life? Do you find yourself numb?
The wasps were looking for warmth. That's why they came inside. But it wasn't where they belonged. It wasn't where they were designed to be. So what about us? Are we living like we were destined to live? We were made in the image of relationship for relationship, not just with God but with each other. What's happened to us? These are the questions I am asking myself, these days.
In this "technology" world, doesn't it seem that people are in their homes alone more than living in relationship with others? Being a child of the 50's before all the technology was filling homes we spent time together with other families enjoying relationship. Hours of playing with friends while our parents played cards fill my memory. I can remember "solitare wars" in my house growing up. After all we only had 3 channels on the TV and it went off at midnight, no VCR's, no DVD's, no DVR's or Tivo, no computers, ipods, nintendo's or X-box. We had no TV's in the cars. We actually had to make up games as we rode along on the long drive for vacation. The stores were all closed on Sunday. Children were outside playing until the sun went down. We spent hours using our imaginations.
The women of 100 + years ago found themselves in quilting bees, barn raisings and community living. What's happened to us in our day?
Now a days it is hard for my children to even find other children to play with until the sun goes down. The technology of X-box and Nintendo vie for their attention, not to mention computer games, myspace, Facebook. There are so many avenues to keep them enclosed in the confines of our house. Even when the kids get together with other kids all they want to do is play computer games challenging each other. What's happened to us living in relationships with others? What happened to using imaginations?
We are created in the image of relationship, yet many of us live without that deep relationship with others that we long for. We have to do something with our time. It's easy to numb out. The more numb we become, the harder it is to escape it, like the wasps. The more we are numbed the more numbing we need. The wasps needed the lure of the light and warmth coming from the window. It was the closest thing they could get to being where they were supposed to be. But it wasn't what they were created for.
As I watched the wasps this weekend I realized. I don't want to live like that any longer. I want to live and experience all that my Papa has invited me to experience. I don't want to be distracted by the things of this world, the thorns and thistles of life that come to choke out the good seed. I want to rule my domain instead of it ruling me. I want relationships with my husband and kids to be rich. I want to live in relationship with others in my community. I want to live, not in the cold numbness but in the warmth of life.
How about you? How numb are you? What is the cry of your heart?
Jesus said, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I came that they might have life, and have it to the full."
May we all find that life.
Blessings,
Jewelz
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
“No longer are there good days and bad days. There are only days of grace. Some days you are given the grace to enjoy what is going on around you and other days you are given the grace to endure.”* The words came out of the speaker’s mouth on the CD I was listening to. How long had I been walking with God, 25 years? I’d even grown up in the church. Never had I heard anyone say anything like that before. Could this be true? No longer good or bad days, only days of grace. Don’t these words give you a totally different picture on the days of your life, including those difficult home school moments?
As a home school parent in my 16th year. I have seen them all. Whether it was finding out my son had skipped his English for a week, lying about it to cover his tracks, or the attitudes, home school has had it’s challenges. Frustrated and angry, ready to give up at times, I wasn’t looking for grace. All I could see was the mess. I’ve heard it said, “what you focus on is what you will see.” If I focus on the chaos, all I will see is chaos. If I focus on the grace, all I will see is grace.
Home schooling is full of it’s demands and difficulties from time to time. Lately, I have had more difficulty in dealing with attitudes than accomplishing the assignments. From time to time you find yourself on the edge thinking, “now why was it I decided to school my kids?” On those enduring days it’s easy to find yourself daydreaming about putting them on the bus. You could spend your “free” time playing or reading a good book, all by yourself with no attitudes to challenge your day. If you haven’t had those thoughts, most likely at some point, you will.
The moments when the kids do their assignments with cheerful attitudes, school is done on time, supper is in the crock pot by noon, I enjoy what is going on around me. Life is good. But what about the days when it all falls apart? It is a paradox. When the days are going well, you love it, when they aren’t, well, you wonder, struggle, daydream and question.
Jesus told us in John 16: that in this world we would have troubles, but to take heart, He has overcome the world. There will be days of troubles, whether in life or in school. The good news is Jesus overcame them. He shows up with grace in the midst of the struggles. He’s there offering the overcoming power of God on those enduring days of school and life.
I think the hardest person for us to have grace with is ourselves. Especially in those places we are responsible for, like our school. After all, it’s up to us to make sure these children grow up into educated adults. We could mess up their lives, couldn’t we? If we take a day off, will life just slip through the cracks? If we live in grace, will our school somehow go off the deep end? What do we do when we reach a day where it takes all we have to endure, much less perform our duties as teacher? Can we let ourselves off the hook? Can we let ourselves experience grace?
One of my favorite home school memories was a day when I had nothing left in me to give. My husband was working 72 hours a week in his own business. Pregnant with my 5th child, 3 school age children, and 1 preschooler, I was exhausted and in desperate need of a break. I had nothing in me to give and there sat three children waiting for something from me to start their morning of education. The thought of doing school brought me to tears. It wasn’t that I wanted to walk away from my responsibility. I just didn’t have it in me. God had something He wanted to do through me, I just didn’t know what.
I called my older sister to cry on her shoulder. She suggested that I let the kids write and perform their own Thanksgiving play. After all my oldest, a creative 9 year old, loved a challenge. I would not have ever considered it. It wasn’t the typical day of books and learning I was used to doing. She encouraged me that school would be OK, the kids would love it, and I needed the rest. I listened to her. I gave myself grace.
It was as if my whole being sighed in relief. That’s what grace does. It brings a sigh of relief, giving you permission to just be, knowing He is God. He will cover my home school. The truth is God gives us all that we need, to do all that He has called us to do. If we don’t have what we need from Him to do what’s on the schedule, then maybe we’re not supposed to do it. In Proverbs it says “a man makes his plans, but God alters his steps. Maybe God wants to alter our steps in our school. Maybe He has other things in mind, that if we will just listen and follow, we will discover. He did for us that day.
I approached the kids with the idea, they could not have been more delighted. Not only were they going to get to do something different. I was trusting them to come up with their own play, props, costumes, and lines. It boosted their confidence when I trusted them to follow their hearts using their creativity. All day they worked, planning the costumes, practicing. They couldn’t wait to perform their masterpiece. I will never forget it. The laughter, the costumes, their rendition of the first Thanksgiving warmed my heart. To this day, 11 years later, my kids still talk about it. No it was not the typical school day that I felt was required, but it is one we remember the most.
Days of grace are all around us. God promises His grace to be sufficient for each one. Sometimes we are given the ability to get through, enduring life around us. Other times everything goes just right, allowing us to enjoy our worlds. Either way, every day is a day of grace.
Go easy on yourself, let God’s grace guide you and your school. Let it lead you to do the things He desires you to do. Enjoy the days of rest, knowing that they prepare you for the days to endure.
In the grand scheme of things, this time with our kids is but a fleeting moment. Make the moments last. You might just find in the process you are creating memories that will be last a lifetime.
Just a few weeks ago the family sat around that table talking one evening before my oldest daughter left for a 5 months missions trip overseas. The memory of when they wrote and performed the Thanksgiving play came up again. We laughed as we remembered, after all she played the turkey. Eleven years have passed, yet it’s remembered like it was yesterday. Precious memories that last a lifetime were made that day. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
Whose Eyes are you looking through?
If you could describe yourself in 5 words what would those words be? Who do you see yourself to be? When you consider what God thinks about you, what do you think He would say? Do you think He sees you based on what you do or who you are?
How do you see yourself before Him? Do you think He looks at what you have done or not done?
What labels do you place on yourself? What have the messages of your life's path told you of who you are? Do you see yourself through what has happened to you, or what you have done? Once Mary Magdelene was invited into Christ's life did she continue to tell herself that she was a prostitute or did she finally see herself through the eyes of Christ? I think when Jesus said to her, "Go and sin no more" He was saying, "that's not who you are, don't go back to that place."
Your past does not define you. It is removed completely. God no longer remembers it. He no longer sees you in your sin. He sees you restored unto Him. He sees Jesus. After all He has told us that we are a new creation, the old is gone the new has come. It's as if you were reborn into who you were always meant to be. Do you see that?
I love the story of Gideon. It's a perfect picture of how we respond to God. Gideon is hiding in the winepress. The Israelites are being attacked and he is hiding out hoping no one will find him. An angel appears to him and says. "Gideon, O Valiant Warrior". He then proceeds to tell Gideon that he will be used to deliver the Israelites. He is God's Valiant Warrior. I hear in Gideon's response that he thinks the angel must be talking about someone else.
Gideon's response is much like our own when God calls us out, "but I am the least in my family and my clan is the weakest clan". He is basically saying, "I'm not who you think I am." Gideon sees himself in his weakness, his flesh, his past, his heritage. The angel sees him in his true identity, who he was created to be.
How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself in your weakness or in the strength of who you were created to be?
God does not see us the way we see ourselves. He sees us cloaked with Christ, completed in Him. When God looks at us He sees us in our restored state, who we were always meant to be.
We are the ones who have the vision problem.
What you do or have done does not define who you are. Your identity is bestowed by God and God alone. It's not given based on what you do. Your identity comes from who God always meant you to be. He has known of you for a long time. No man or woman can take your identity or give it. It was ordained by God, Himself. You are who He says you are.
God saw Gideon as his Valiant Warrior when Gideon could not see it for Himself.
God sees you and has a name He calls you. It is the truest you.
He does not want you for what you can do for Him. He wants you for who you are. He formed you to love you, just as you are until you could embrace who He made you to be.
Your birth was His invitation to be loved completely.
Ask God what name He would give to you. Ask Him how He sees you. He longs to tell you what He thinks of you.
Embrace what He says as the truest you.
After all, He knows you by name!
I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. Rev. 2:17b
His Jewel
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
The Character of the Man:
I won't soon forget the long hard winter. My husband had 6 different jobs in 4 years, all paying thousands less than our living expenses. When you are in the midst of those times it is hard to see what good could be coming from it. I often wondered if God has gone on vacation. Questions, doubts and fears often plaqued my mind. It was one of the most profound times of my life. This was not a road we would have ever chosen for ourselves.
I knew after several months that it wasn't about the jobs. But what was it about? Now years down the road I can see what I couldn't see then. There was much to be gained for both of us. It wasn't about the money or the job. It was about the woman and the man. This is a tribute to the character of the man.
One job in particular that he had was with a water company. He thought it was going to be customer service and route sales, with good pay. It ended up being delivery, carrying 80 pounds of water everyday, running at full speed to get finished. Though we had prayed fervently for a good route, he ended up with the third worst route in the company. Leaving at 6:00AM and getting home around 8:00PM was common. Exhausted he would walk in the door, hungry and weary, but never giving up. He is a man of perseverance.
When God removed him from that job he opened another job at a handyman company. It was the most bizarre thing. Though the owner knew he had very little experience, he begged him to come and work for the company, telling him they would train him. He accepted the job and began his training, doing a perfect job on one of his assignments. Two and 1/2 weeks later they let him go after changing owners. God was restoring a place inside David, allowing him to face the lies of failure and walk away from them. He had not failed. He had given all he had to give. It was his best. He is a man of integrity.
The next job God took him to was a season where he worked two jobs. One job was full-time in the daytime working in an upscale fast food restaurant, and the 2nd job was at night 2-3 nights a week at Starbucks. He worked long and hard to make sure we were taken care of. I tried to go to work to alleviate one of the jobs, but he was insistent that I stay home with the children. Faithfully he went to work each day, never complaining. He is a man of faithfulness.
During that season, one of the men from church came up to pray for him. Before he started to pray he looked him in the eye and said, "God wants you to know that you are an honorable man. You are an example to the men here. There are men who wouldn't do what you are doing for your family." David's eyes welled up with tears. He needed to hear that. The weariness that was over him dissipated in that moment. He was an honorable man. That's all that mattered, really. It does alot to a man to be seen for who they really are. He is a man of honor.
God dropped another job in his lap. This job was promising and brought an income that allowed him to quit his 2nd job. The owner of the company ended up not being a man of his word. Every week David would have to go and fight for his paycheck. One week in particular he had to stand up and challenge the owner. In that season I saw the warrior in the man. He is a man of strength.
God moved him on to another job with a contracting company. The owner of the company put his 24 year old son over David as the boss. I saw grace in David as he submitted himself to the authority of a cocky young man who talked down to him with disrespect. He is a man of humility.
The company they were contracting for offered to take him on in a fulltime position. He accepted. Now he is working for men who see his work and appreciate him. He walked the "season of the jobs" with faithfulness. He never gave up. He is a man of endurance.
I was thinking back over those years the other day, since we are now out of them. A sense of awe, honor and respect came over me as I realized how much I had seen during those times. Something deeper had taken place in my heart besides the pruning God had done in me, which was huge. I had seen my man through God's eyes. I, like Him, am proud of David.
How often through the years had I seen the nitpicky things that irritated me above the attributes of the man? Too many, I'm afraid. Too many times I had focused on what he wasn't doing instead of all that he was. Something changed for me in that season of life. I began to see the character of my man.
So how about you? What do you seeing in your man?
Rom. 13:7(Amplified) Render to all men their dues. [Pay] taxes to whom taxes are due, revenue to whom revenue is due, respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due.
With all my love, and gratitude for the man that you are, David, I honor you.
Jewel
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
I am doing a new Bible study with the women at church on Friday mornings. It is "Live a Praying Life" by Jennifer Kennedy Dean. This study is rocking my world.
I have known of God my whole life, but have been truly following Him for 28 years. I grew up in the Bible belt where I was told that to follow God I needed to have a prayer list and a morning prayer time to show my love for God and my desire to be a good soldier of the Lord. I can remember the long lists that I would take out each day and pray through. Before long I lost interest in it as it was so monotonous for me. It was not a "God birthed" burden of prayer, but a "duty birthed". I think of those in other faiths who go through their rituals of prayer in order to fulfill a requirement of their faith. That is how my prayer list was to me. It was a ritual to fulfill a "man imposed" requirement.
I lived many years as a Pharisee bound to the law, performance and striving for God. Slowly but surely He is restoring me to a relationship with Him that is out of response instead of obligation. One of those areas has been prayer. After years of the ritual of my "prayer list" I was burned out in prayer, so much so that I would even say if you asked me that my prayer life stunk.
God began speaking to me about prayer at different intervals during this purging of the law He had me in. I remember once just sitting in my bathtub crying. The sobs were coming from some deep place inside me. Life had been hard and I was so weary. I was struggling to hang onto my faith and believe in His goodness. Everything was falling apart around me.
I couldn't hear His voice, I couldn't find His embrace. I knew in my mind that He would never leave me or forsake me, but I couldn't "feel" Him. As I sat in the tub, overwhelmed by emotion I could not speak a word. I couldn't even "cry out" to Him for help. There were no "prayers". All I could do was sob and groan. And He came, like I had never known, He came.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says from Psalm 139, "When a need or desire is so deep in me that I do not even have a sentence to say and all I have is a groan, God knows it all. When we don't have anything but a groan, God has seen it all articulated."
I will never forget that night and how He came for me. Without uttering a word He rescued me. It was a new place of freedom for me. I didn't have to say all the right words to be delivered. God saw my groans and sobs articulated and He came and brought me out into His embrace. I was changed forever.
Prayer is a word that has been distorted in the mind of many Christians. We have come to make it look and be a certain way. What I am beginning to understand is that prayer can be all sorts of things, from worship, to listening, to groans, to words. My groans and sobs are the prayers of my heart. It is astounding.
One time when I was asking God about all this He talked to me about my Lydia. She's an affectionate one who always has loved being nearby, freely giving hugs. She would flow in and out of my room throughout the day. She loved to sit on my lap in the rocking chair, her head upon my chest, listening as I talked on the phone. Being a hugger, she would often walk in my room just to give me a hug, then walk out. There were times she would come in wanting to talk about herself or others. And sometimes she would need to know how much I loved her. In and out of my room she would flow, doing whatever was on her heart to do.
Jennifer Kennedy Dean says "There is an underflow of prayer in every believer. When Jesus came to take residence in you, He's began to pray in and through you. He's always praying in you. There is an undercurrent of prayer active in you. Not because of how good you are but because of how good He is. He's the one motivating it. He's the one initiating it. As you come to know this you will get tapped into Jesus praying in you."
Jesus is always praying in and through me. It's not about me figuring out all the right words to say. it's about letting Him flow out of me, whether through groans, worship, sobs, hugs or words. Just like my little girl, prayer is not about saying all the right words or setting aside a specific time each day that is required. It's about tapping into what He is doing inside me. That which He wants to do through me, He will put on me. He's the initiator and the motivator, burdening me for the things that He is burdened for. Whether getting up into His lap and listening while He talks, or telling Him what is on my heart, prayer is responding to the undercurrent of prayer that is already active in me, because He inhabits me. Now that is freedom.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Blessings,
Jewelz
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
How many times when sharing my heartache and struggles did I hear, "the joy of the Lord is your strength", or "joy is available to you, it's your's, it's already been given." My well meaning friends were trying to encourage me, but I would find myself deflated. Are those words supposed to make me feel better? If joy has been given then where is it? Is this supposed to be some type of treasure hunt to discover it? Am I just looking in the wrong places? I wanted to have joy. I prayed for it, but I couldn't find it. No matter how much I tried, it eluded me. What was joy anyways? Was it a feeling?
Life was beating down hard. It felt like one hurricane after another was hitting the shores of our lives, much like Florida experienced back in 2004. Did you know that 4 hurricanes hit the state of Florida in that year? One of them hit, went out to sea, then came back and hit again. Do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel like a storm comes in, you get back up, recover a little, only to be hit again? I have.
I found myself in the middle of reading the scripture in John 16. Jesus is talking to the disciples, telling them of his impending death. He tells them that He is going to leave them, and where He goes they cannot go. Then He says to them, verse, 20, "I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy." That verse stopped me dead in my tracks. Wait a minute. You mean that they aren't going to have joy? What about "the joy of the Lord is your strength?" Isn't that true for them?
Jesus goes on to tell them that it will be like a woman giving birth. While giving birth she is in anguish, but once that baby is in her arms, she forgets the pain for the joy of having the child. The disciples have no idea what they are getting ready to face, really. But think about it for a minute. They have left everything to follow Christ. They have no jobs to return to. Life as they knew it is gone. They have followed the one who they thought would deliver them from the Roman rule. Things have built to a crescendo and now Jesus tells them He's leaving and they can't go with Him. What do you think they felt when they saw Him get arrested or worse, crucified. Can you just imagine how their worlds must have come tumbling in on them, like a hurricane wind toppling the roof of a house? How did they feel when Jesus was gone and life just didn't make sense? What were they to do now? There was no joy, only grief, anguish and pain. What had just happened? Where was God?
As I struggled my way through the circumstances of life, things surfaced in me. I battled doubts like I had never known before, feeling abandoned, forgotten, and even cursed by God, while those around me seemed to be flourishing. What was really true about God? Was God really there for me? Did He see me? Did He care? Why was He doing this to me? The doubts and unbelief were surfacing, tossing me about. What was I going to stand in? That's what the season was about. He wanted those things in my heart that were "shakable", leaving what was unshakable to remain. What was I going to believe?
Joy came on resurrection day for the disciples as they found Jesus. Joy was not a feeling. Joy was Jesus coming to them, victorious over sin, death and the grave, victorious over their circumstances.
Joy for me was Jesus in me causing me to rise up and declare what was true when overwhelmed with the weariness of hard circumstances; Jesus in me keeping me from sinking while walking in the quicksand of doubts and unbelief; Jesus in me putting one foot in front of the other against the gale forced winds of the hurricanes that hit my shore. In the midst of really hard circumstances I found Jesus overcoming in and through me. That was the joy that no man could take away.
To the very core of my being I believe that when we find God to be enough, in the midst of the "dark caves" of life that is joy. Circumstances still hitting us hard, we rise up in faith to stand on the truth that Jesus has come to overcome our world.
The world full of doubts and unbelief is shut down around us. In the weariness He comes and sweeps us up in His embrace. As with a child being placed in your arms after the anguish of childbirth, the pain but a fleeting memory, joy floods the soul. Just as Jesus came for the disciples at resurrection day He comes for us. Joy is Jesus in us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. We are alive because He is alive in us. Christ in us, the hope of glory, the joy that no man can take away.
Blessings,
Jewelz
©copyrighted 2008 by Julie L. Todd
