Sometimes I feel so out of sorts. So much of me has been changed that at times it's hard to know what is normal, if there is such a thing.
Ministry that I thought I would be doing, I’m not. In fact those desires that I once held close seem to have disappeared completely. Currently. even the stirring to write feels distant. Words that once awakened me seem to have fallen asleep inside me. With a bit of sadness, I sit wondering if my writing season has come to an end. It's been on my mind lately. For oftentimes in the stillness it's hard to see that anything is moving forward.
Yesterday, Jesus brought back a memory of a time much like I find myself in today. I was sitting on a porch overlooking a pond. I felt what I saw displayed; stagnant and unmoving. I begged God for something that revealed that I was was where I needed to be. It was then He met with me as He drew my eyes to a spot in the pond.
Suddenly the pond was set in motion when something lighted the surface. At that moment, from that one touch, the waters started rippling out. As I watched their path I saw something that was absolutely stunning. The water rippled across the reflection of a brilliant red-leaf tree, creating a beautiful mosaic on the water.
Immediately He spoke to me, reminding me of the beauty of stillness. He told me that Mosaics capture beauty through their broken pieces. For in a Mosaic, pieces must be broken to fit the picture.
Yesterday as the memory faded, He brought fresh words to this current contemplative place. "Jewel, the new wine can't be placed in old wine skins." "The outer is wasting away while the inner is being renewed."
“Old ways, things, and habits must waste away.” “Don’t fret this season.” “Pieces are being broken off as part of the fashioning of your life's Mosaic.” “Some pieces didn’t belong there.”
“It’s time to remove the old wine skins.” “They won’t hold the new wine that ferments inside you.” “This is a time of ceasing of life as you’ve known it.”
It’s an awkward place for me sometimes. So much of my life has been doing that often the being catches me off guard. I feel like I SHOULD be doing something, yet I feel no stirring to do those things I once considered. Am I really supposed to just sit back and wait for something to hit me? It's so foreign to my normal way of thinking.
At that moment He answered my questioning with such simplicity. “Why not, Jewel?” “What if that’s all it is about” “What if you were in tune with my Spirit in you and then waited until the stirring hit you before you moved?” “Would that be horrible? "What if it were left up to me and not up to you?" "Could you trust me to move you when you needed to move?"
A picture flashed into my mind as if He wanted to sear all this into my very being.
I have a salad dressing cruet that I make Italian dressing in. In the middle of the lid is an attached stirrer. Once I have poured in the ingredients, they immediately begin to settle and separate. Therefore, before the dressing can be served it must have a vigorous stirring. Once everything is stirred up, I then pour.
Can it be that simple, Jesus? Can I really wait for your stirring? It almost sounds too good to be true.
“You can’t patch the old on the new, Jewel.” “It may feel as if the outer is wasting away.” “That’s a good thing.” "Your "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" old flesh needed to die." “Take heart, your inner man is being renewed on the outer.”
His words strike a place in my heart that once again bring me to that place of rest. This current place that sometimes feels too still is His appointed place, where beauty is unfolding inside me. The outer garments that I have worn for so long are wasting away, while He renews my inner man. The wine that ferments inside cannot be placed in the old wine skins. Therefore He takes the pieces that fit my life and fashions them to one day display my own Mosaic, Jesus in Julie. It's who I long to be.
©copyrighted: 2010, Julie L. Todd